I’m Incapable Of Trusting Men And It Ruins My Relationships

I’m not sure where my mistrust of men originated, but it’s there whether I like it or not. I constantly try to change my frame of mind. Unfortunately, that’s not an easy task. My paranoia and anxiety regarding my romantic relationships end up dooming them to fail.

  1. I get insecure when I catch feelings. It’s all well and good until I begin to really care for a guy. Then all my fears set in hardcore and the voices in my head begin whispering. It doesn’t matter how little cause my man gives me to mistrust him. I’m terrified that I’ll get hurt.
  2. I secretly believe that all men have the inclination to cheat. I understand that this isn’t fair and I try to change my perspective. Feeling this jaded about relationships is not my first choice! I don’t want to think poorly of men, but I’ve seen very little to change my mind to the contrary.
  3. I worry that guys aren’t honest with me. Again, I should try to keep the faith until someone actually breaks my trust. Even when a man is straightforward, I’m afraid that he’ll do anything if he thinks he can get away with it. I know trust is the cornerstone of a good relationship, so I’m probably screwed.
  4. I have spells of intense paranoia where I convince myself that I’m being cheated on. This is never the guy’s fault. Sometimes it’s driven by hormonal changes. Sometimes I’m just feeling insecure or vulnerable. Regardless, it’s not fair to him or good for my mental health. I make myself crazy.
  5. I’m sure that as soon as I let myself care, I’ll get hurt. In my defense, this happens a lot. As soon as I finally let down my guard with a guy, he freaks out and runs away from me. It never seems to matter how much he claims to like me. I’m really tired of the same old shit happening. Now I’m convinced every guy will pull the rug out from under me.
  6. I have to hold myself back from revealing my crazy thoughts. It’s a necessary constraint. Some things just shouldn’t be brought out into the open. I know that my paranoia will eventually pass and that there’s no point in creating conflict because of it. Still, it puts a strain on my interactions with my partner. I’m not good at hiding feelings.
  7. I’m always actively talking myself out of my fears. I know that the guys I date would feel terrible if they knew I feel this way. I also know that my anxiety is usually unfounded. This makes me frustrated, but those nagging voices in my head keep at it. I just don’t trust men.
  8. I sabotage and start fights because of my insecurities. I try my best to keep my feelings to myself, but that doesn’t always work. I act strangely and fight with men about other things in my attempts to hide what feels like craziness. It’s all a giant mess.
  9. I have no idea where this mistrust comes from, but it’s stubborn AF. It does not seem to matter what type of guy I date. I always fear the worst. As far as I know, I’ve never even been cheated on before! Perhaps it stems from all the awful things I’ve seen happen to my friends. Either way, it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
  10. I literally don’t believe that a man can stay faithful long term. Of course, I know that there are men out there who have never cheated on their partners. I guess I don’t believe that anyone will stay faithful to ME, which speaks to a deep-seated insecurity inside me. I don’t feel worthy. I also don’t even want a guy to make a fool of me.
  11. I see issues that really don’t exist. Honestly, I hate it. Every time a guy checks his phone, I think he’s talking to another girl. I worry about dropping in unannounced in case I catch him with someone else. If he mentions any woman, I desperately try to act cool and unaffected. Yes, this sounds insane, but it’s the truth.
  12. I date the sweetest guys in the world and still doubt them. It’s not like I go around dating jerks or anything. I genuinely like nice dudes. This means it’s even more baffling as to why I always assume they’re going to run around on me. The poor guys don’t stand a chance, no matter how sweet and faithful and devoted they are.
  13. I’m tired of always feeling scared, but I’m not sure how to change it. I hate the fact that I can’t make myself trust any man. It’s not enjoyable. I don’t want to live in constant terror that my heart is going to be pulverized. I hope someday I can fix the problem, but for now, I just do the best I can to control my anxiety.



A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.