Independence Is A Great Thing But I Think I Need To Rein It In A Little

I pride myself on being totally self-sufficient and able to live an incredible life all on my own, but I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that my high level of independence might not be my greatest asset after all.

1. Every guy I’ve ever met has admitted to being “intimidated” by me. Yawn! I don’t try to scare people, but apparently my confidence is a bit too much for most men to handle. It’s a well-known fact that guys are generally freaked out by women who know their worth, and I have no shame acknowledging my value regardless of how it makes other people feel. I don’t need guys to find me attractive in order to function.
2. People always look to me for advice and it’s exhausting. Even my mom asks for my input on things, which is flattering, but seriously guys, I’m not nearly as together as everyone thinks and I don’t have the energy to always be the go-to girl for pearls of wisdom. Even if I did, I don’t have the answer to everything, or even most things. I’m good at running my own life, but that doesn’t make me uniquely well-equipped to solve the problems of the world.
3. Everyone always assumes I’m always totally fine. Most people seem to think that because I lead a pretty stable life, my mind must be full of rainbows and butterflies and carefully crafted spreadsheets 24/7. While I love unicorns and joy just as much as the next person, my brain is a mess sometimes and I’m not always OK. It would be really great if people could understand that occasionally.
4. I’ve forgotten how to show vulnerability. Because I’ve always been so headstrong and self-reliant, I don’t really like to show any weakness and it’s become a bad habit. I’ve fallen into the role of being the listener and the person everyone thinks is indestructible. No one seems to believe me when I tell them that I sometimes feel incredibly vulnerable.
5. There are major downsides to treating dating as an afterthought. There’s a reason dating is so time-consuming and when you don’t care enough to do it right, you’ll find out why. If you consider dating to be of equal importance to the way you turn a door handle, you’re bound to spend your evenings in the awkward company of Sarah-from-HR’s-ex-brother-in-law or that guy on Tinder who totally sounded cool when you messaged for three minutes last September but turns out to be a balding midlife crisis with some crazy emotional baggage. Due diligence is advised, but sadly, I rarely take advice in the dating department.
6. Sometimes I just want to cry in someone’s arms, you know? Being solo and in charge all the time is amazing, but it does take a toll. No matter how much I love being independent, sometimes all I want is to be wrapped in someone’s arms and let the world disappear for a while. No one can be a pillar of strength 100% of the time, no matter how much of a badass they are.
7. Dating isn’t my priority, but sometimes I wish it was. I love being single. I can sleep on whatever side of the bed I want to, stay out late without feeling guilty about it, and book trips on a whim when my work schedule allows it. Still, there will always be moments when I’d kind of like to have somewhere there when I get home or to share a specific moment with, and during those times, I kind of regret being solo.
8. All the guys I date say it’s impossible to get close to me. When I do manage to find someone worth dating for more than a few weeks, I often find myself being told that I’m a closed book. No matter how crazy I am about the person I’m with, I won’t compromise on being my own person and doing my own thing, and that always leads to them feeling alienated and unwanted.
9. Being a free spirit isn’t as liberating as it sounds. Independence can be exhausting. I do so well on my own that I’m probably better suited to a life of singledom, but doing everything yourself wears you out after awhile. Even though I love being able to go out and do my own thing without having to consider its effect on anyone else, having an actual partner for once sounds kind of nice sometimes.
10. I’m ready to put down roots but a part of me can’t let go of being totally independent. I’ve been loving my own freedom and autonomy since I left college, and even though I can feel I’m ready to find someone to settle down with, old habits die hard. It’s gotten to the point where if a guy asks what I’m doing later, I automatically assume he’s trying to control my life by memorizing my schedule and infiltrating it accordingly. So yeah, I may have taken the independence thing a little far.