Independence Is Great, But Taking It Too Far Could Keep You From Finding Love

You’re strong, smart, and totally self-sufficient — and that’s a good thing — but there is such a thing as taking your independence too far. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet and find happiness from within, but you probably want to find love too. What if the thing standing in your way is actually the fact that you’re too independent for your own good? Here’s how that ends up happening:

  1. First you stop needing a boyfriend… and then you stop wanting one. Once upon a time, you were a girl who was desperate for love but you promised yourself you’d never be that girl again. You learned to rely on yourself and find happiness from within rather than relying on a guy to give it to you. You stopped needing a boyfriend and you found your independence. However, now it’s catching up with you. You didn’t need a boyfriend and now you don’t want one because having to worry about someone else in your life seems like too heavy of a burden to bear.
  2. You don’t know how to let anyone in. You’ve built up some pretty hard walls, and those puppies aren’t coming down anytime soon. At first you were just trying to protect your heart, but eventually closing others off became your way of life. If you don’t let anyone in then no one can hurt you — at least that’s what you keep telling yourself.
  3. You’ve become your own shoulder to cry on. You wipe away your own tears and console yourself. Self-love is so important, but that’s not an excuse for being anti-social. You might be independent, but it’s okay to lean on others from time to time. You need friends, family and if you want, a boyfriend. Just because you’re strong doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel weak. At some point or another, we all need someone.
  4. You don’t make room for a guy in your life. You say that a guy (the right guy) would be welcome in your life, but that’s not how you make guys feel. You’ve become too comfortable with being by yourself — so much so, in fact, that you can’t even stand sharing your bed. You won’t make room for his stuff, his sleeping pattern, or his life. Your life is about you and there’s no room for anyone else. Is it any wonder you’re on your own?
  5. You grow cold and bitter. You’re not just independent, you live in isolation. You’ve shut out the entire male population for the crimes of a few bad eggs. You can’t let the exes of your past ruin your future. Not all men are the same. All the good guys aren’t taken — you just have to have the strength to find them.
  6. You don’t know how to be a team. You’ve been a solo player for so long that you don’t even know how to be a part of a team anymore. A boyfriend is supposed to be a partner, but how can he play for you if you keep him benched? The right man will want to be there for you. The only question is, will you let him?
  7. You start thinking you’re better off alone. It’s great that you’re enjoying the single life… as long as you haven’t convinced yourself to close the door on love. You’re comfortable with the way things are. You provide for yourself, depend on yourself, and come home to yourself every night. There’s a difference between being independent and being isolated. No one deserves to be truly alone.
  8. You don’t know how to make him a priority. It’s been all about you for so long, that you don’t know how to have your life be even a little about someone else. If you want to have a real relationship then you’re going to need to figure how to devote time to your partner. Not only that, you’re going to have to consider him when making many of your decisions because it’s no longer just about you. Being in a relationship means you’re not on your own anymore — are you prepared to do that?
  9. You’re afraid of change. You like things the way they are. You love the life that you built for yourself, and you’re scared that if you let a guy in again, that life might just come crumbling down. Right now you hold all of the power. You feel in control of your destiny, but opening yourself up to a boyfriend means losing some of that control and that scares the hell out of you.
  10. You’ve closed yourself off to love. That part of your life is just behind you. You say it’s because of men, not because of you, but is that the truth or are you keeping yourself from playing the game of love because you’re too scared to risk it all again on another broken heart? You’re independent, but you’re not immune to loneliness. Just ask yourself this — are you alone because you actually want to be or because you’re afraid of the alternative?
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.