We all know crash diets are dumb and don’t actually work, but that doesn’t stop us from going on them every once in a while when we’re desperate to drop a few pounds. When you’re cutting out your morning bagel and after-lunch chocolate habit to lose some weight, here are some thoughts that’ll inevitably go through your mind:
- “God, I’m going to look so good!”We all start off strong on a diet, and we’re thrilled that we chose to make it happen. You get excited that you’re making positive changes for your health, not to mention your waistline. For the first little while, you’re so motivated that you don’t even miss the junk food, and life is awesome. You feel like a total health guru as well as the most focused person on earth… until you don’t.
- “I’ve never been so hungry in my entire life.” When you’re so hungry that you could devour everything in sight, the diet struggle becomes real. Craving things you never even liked previous to starting your health kick is a weird affliction that you just can’t seem to shake. Beware — once you start the binge eating, you won’t stop.
- “I’d rather be fat and happy.”So you started out with the best of intentions, but now reality is firmly sinking in. Counting calories or cutting out all of the bad (yet so delicious) food is getting old quickly. Wondering how you’ll survive another hour, let alone a lifetime, is making you consider a quiet surrender.
- “Just one won’t hurt.”Trying to figure out ways to sneak little treats into your diet is also known as the justification stage. You’ve done so well with eating healthy that your body probably wouldn’t even notice a cookie. I mean, how bad could just one be? After all, you deserve a treat for being so disciplined! Totally justified.
- “Is this what torture feels like?”This is the stage of the diet when everyone starts to avoid you because you’re hangry and contact isn’t worth it. You’re wondering why you ever started this in the first place, and begin to realize it was the stupidest idea. You’re not ready to admit defeat just yet, but you’re pretty damn close.
- “This isn’t food.”Whoever said you don’t make friends with salad was absolutely right. We all need to incorporate vegetables so we can be responsible adults, but after living on them, you wish they weren’t a thing. It becomes so dissatisfying eating green things all day that you start to lose the will to eat at all.
- “It’s all about moderation, right?”This is the invention stage where you become the diet expert and decide what works for real people, and what works is real food. So what if you incorporate a little bit of sugar and fast food back into your diet? Real diets for real people are really about moderating how often you eat something, not about avoiding it completely. Right?
- “Wine is made from grapes, and grapes are healthy.” When you’re sitting in front of your TV and you’re almost a bottle deep into your wine, you just keep reminding yourself that wine is actually fruit. It’s basically just juice, and people juice to be healthy. You accept the fact that you’re fooling yourself with your own white lies because even if you are in full blown denial, the wine is making you too happy to care.