Dating can be pretty intimidating. There’s so much build up, so much scrutiny, so much pressure that it starts to become a chore rather than something you enjoy doing. Sometimes we let all this pressure bring out our insecurities, and those insecurities hold us back. This can lead to terrible dating experiences that put us off the romance scene for good – or at least a really long time. The reality is that dating is scary for most people. You know those thoughts that you have before a first date? The chances are that your date is having those exact same thoughts himself.
It’s time we quit allowing our dating insecurities get in the way of us from having a good time, and start working on overcoming them instead. Here are 10 dating insecurities and how to overcome them:
- What if I seem boring? Just because you haven’t skydived over the Nile recently doesn’t mean that you’re boring. Talk about what interests you, ask questions, and just be yourself! If your date thinks that’s “boring”, then that’s his loss.
- What if I have nothing to talk about? Do you have friends? Do you have conversations with these friends? Do they tell you you’re bad at conversations? If you’re not a bad conversationalist with your friends, you’re probably not a bad one on your dates. Just, you know, avoid talking about the weather.
- Does my outfit look okay? Date outfits are tough. You want to look put together, but not too put together. You want to look slim, but also curvy. You want to showcase your best assets, while also hiding your worst. You want to get your personality across, but not be pushy about it. I get it. But here’s the thing: Your date is having these same thoughts, too. Being worried about your outfit is natural, so when you start freaking out over it, just remember that your date is probably doing the exact same thing right now.
- What if he wants to have sex? Some of us have hang ups about sex, and that’s fine. When you go on dates, it can be nerve-wracking if you think your date expects more. Just remember: No means no. If you’re not comfortable, end the date there and then. It’s also a good idea to have a friend on hand that you’re able to fire a quick text to who will then call you and give you an excuse to leave. Never feel like you owe someone anything after a date.
- When should I text him? There are so many rules when it comes to texting the guy after your first date. Should you obey them? Hell no. When should you text him? Whenever you want. Should you wait for him to text you? Not necessarily. If you think things went well and you want to text him, then do. If you think things went crappy, well, that’s why phones let you delete numbers.
- Literally EVERYTHING about kissing. Should I kiss on a first date? What if he thinks I’m a bad kisser? Where should my hands go when we kiss? What if he doesn’t kiss me? I think that flu is still lingering from last week, should I tell him? These aren’t nuts thoughts, they’re normal ones. And trust me, your date is more than likely on the same page. My advice: Do what feels right. If you don’t feel comfortable kissing him, then don’t.
- What if I’m bad with signals and I misread him? Social interactions are complex things, and sometimes we get things wrong. If you’re not sure where something is going, then don’t be afraid to ask for clarification. Communication is key to a great date, so work it!
- What if I’m not my date’s type? Maybe he’s not yours. Or, I know this is nuts, but maybe he is your type, and maybe you’re his. Who knows? You’re not a mind reader, so you’re just going to have to take the risk. You win some, you lose some.
- What if I do something silly and embarrass myself? If you go on a date assuming you’re going to do something silly, then you probably will do something silly. This kind of thinking just leads to self-fulfilling prophesies. When you start to imagine these scenarios in your head, give yourself a pinch. It’ll bring you back down to reality.
- How much should I drink and/or eat? You should drink enough so that you’re hydrated. Alcohol-wise, stay alert, but enjoy yourself. Eat until you’re full. Basically, be comfortable, don’t get sloppy and enjoy yourself!