Instead Of Focusing On Whether HE Likes You, Figure Out If YOU Should Like Him

After a first date, you hope that the guy had a great time and wants to see you again. That’s fine, but do YOU want to see HIM again? Enough of waiting for a man to decide if you’re worthy or not — turn the tables and figure out if he’s actually right for you, with these 11 tips.

  1. Stop obsessing. Too much emphasis is placed on women wondering if men they’ve just met like them or not. I’m sure if they did a study of how much time single women waste pondering if a man likes us or not, it would amount to WAY too much time down the drain. Screw that. It’s not your job to figure him out. Focus on what you feel and want and don’t settle for less.
  2. If he doesn’t like you for you, he’s not the guy for you. If you think you have to be a certain way to impress him when you meet him, it’s easy to feel anxious and low on confidence. Rejection hurts and it’s natural to want to prevent it, but you shouldn’t do that at the risk of being something you’re not just to get the guy — no guy’s worth that. You’re worthy of the best guy, so focus on what benefit he’ll bring to your life and if he deserves YOUR time.
  3. He might not actually be worth it. Dating involves effort, time and energy. Relationships are sometimes hard work, involving compromise and taking on another person’s problems. Really ask yourself if the guy you’re seeing is worth all this. Too much time and energy goes to waste on the wrong men and toxic relationships. If you get the gut feeling he’s just not worth it, move on as quickly as you can instead of trying to change him or the relationship just because he’s such a nice guy who’s crazy about you. Who cares? Move on.
  4. Worrying about what he wants will throw you off. Don’t place so much importance on his feelings that you only feel amazing when he likes you and down in the dumps when he doesn’t. No guy has power over you. You decide what you feel about yourself and should spend more time thinking about if he’s your cup of tea instead of hoping to impress him.
  5. Let him impress you. Make him show you why he’s a catch instead of trying to impress him. Sit back and see what he’s really about. Too many guys have become lazy AF when going on dates with women, expecting us to do everything. It’s messed up. You deserve to know as soon as possible what he’s like so that you don’t waste your time on the wrong guy who’s not committed to you.
  6. Make a decision that feels right for you. Your feelings matter and don’t believe otherwise. If you haven’t heard from the guy after your date, you can take destiny into your own hands and get in touch if you like him or you can move on. The key is to focus on your feelings so you don’t have any regrets. Do you like him? Do you want to be with him? Do you want to move on from him? These are crucial because they prevent you being passive in dating.
  7. Remember: you’re not desperateTrying so hard to be what he wants is BS. It creates the impression that he’s a boss who’s interviewing you for a position, as though he matters the most and makes all the decisions. Hell no! Walk into that date like you’re the one in charge and you know your worth. You can take him or leave him just like any other guy out there.
  8. See him for what he is, not how much he likes you. Focus on your head instead of your heart — listen to what he says about himself, pay attention to his actions, and don’t get swayed by his good looks or how much he’s waxing lyrical about you. The date doesn’t end when you’ve impressed him — it’s time for you to cut through all his BS and see what kind of man he really is underneath his smooth words.
  9. Don’t worry about his opinions. When you decide to do something, like wear fuschia to a first date or get in touch first instead of waiting for him, you probably think, “What will he think of me?” We’re so afraid of guys not liking us or judging us, but that’s ridiculous. Live your life in the way that you want to without thinking his opinions are so important. They’re not as important as yours.
  10. Don’t chase him. It’s one thing to decide to make the first move and then leave the ball in his court but it’s quite another to try to pursue the guy so much that you take complete control. You might think this is your way of showing him how much of a go-getter or amazing woman you are, but you’re really just making it about impressing him again. Ugh. Let him chase you. You’re worth the effort. You deserve a man who steps up to your standards.
  11. Get real. It’s good to be who you are right from the beginning. Let him see what you’re like instead of trying to be something you think he’ll like. That’s just dissing yourself. Be who you are. Let your assets shine naturally. If he doesn’t like you, that’s a relationship deal breaker anyway and you shouldn’t waste time trying to “convert” him. He’s just not good enough for you. Move on!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.