Instead Of Looking For Love, I’m Looking For Deep, Platonic Connections

Once upon a time, I was determined to find a guy to love. In fact, whenever I was single, that was my primary goal when I did anything. It pulled focus from everything else in my life. Now I’m a bit older and wiser and I realize that truly connecting with other human beings is way more valuable and beneficial to me.

  1. My relationships have never been stronger and that makes me happy. Time is a limited commodity. I figured out not long ago that I need to use it wisely and spend it well. Instead of phoning in my interactions with others, I now carefully schedule time to hang out with those people I care for —and when I’m with them, I focus entirely on them. It’s incredibly rewarding.
  2. I feel truly present when I’m with people. Because I don’t have any ulterior motives and my mind isn’t on attracting every guy who walks through the door, I’m able to show complete authenticity in the moment with my friends, coworkers, and family. I’m completely different than I was before.
  3. I’m able to give priority to the correct things. I appreciate and value time spent with the people I care about more than ever now. If I’m invited to do something, I try to attend and enjoy it, no matter what it is. I might’ve turned up my nose or thought I’d be bored before. Now I’m pleasantly surprised at how much fun I have if I don’t judge.
  4. I’m better equipped to be there for people. Now that I’m genuinely engaged in the moment, I can support others in ways that I never even understood before. I listen without feeling distracted and I take my time to give measured and thoughtful responses. I’m learning to communicate in an entirely new and improved way.
  5. I don’t feel like I give more than I get. Back in the day, I was always worried that I gave and gave and never got back in return. I was constantly dissatisfied because I didn’t understand how to truly give to others. Now I know that the joy is in the giving itself and it doesn’t matter what I get back. Because of that, I no longer feel empty.
  6. I have deep conversations with people when I might not otherwise. Because I’ve started treating everyone as equally important, I’ve learned to appreciate those in my life that I might’ve blown off in the past. It’s crazy how interesting people can actually be if I get to know them a bit better. I welcome the surprises that come from connecting.
  7. I have more fun when I go out and socialize. I used to be discontent in social settings – nothing was ever enough. The conversation wasn’t good, the guys didn’t hit on me, I was tired and bored. Then I realized there was one common denominator in all of that: me. I have the power to connect to my surroundings and enjoy myself at any time.
  8. I’ve found comfort in my own skin. Finding the ability to be completely present with other people has, in turn, helped take me away from relentless self-focus. I don’t worry about what I look like or how I appear to others when I’m engaging authentically because I’m not conscious of anything else but the connection happening.
  9. I was never fulfilled by dating the way I am by cultivating other relationships. I had a difficult time dating, whether I’d just started seeing someone or was in a long-term relationship. I was never satisfied by any of it. Now that I’m not worried about that side of things, I can truly relax, be myself, and enjoy the company of others.
  10. My new strategy helps me in all areas of my life. Learning to stay present and be authentic isn’t just great for my friendships—it helps me with everything! I’m happier at work and I communicate better with my superiors. I’m better able to understand my family members and thus avoid fights. I even connect with complete strangers now.
  11. I feel no strong urge to date anyone. Because I’m so fulfilled by my other relationships, the need to find romance has taken a back seat. I do welcome that into my life, of course, but there’s so much else to see and do and accomplish. I’m not so worried about it anymore.
  12. I’m also focusing on connecting with myself and it’s amazing. All of this began with the desire to understand myself better. I wanted to know why I do what I do so that I could change my patterns and I’ve made great progress in that. My success in connecting with myself encouraged me to keep on striving to connect with other people.
  13. I’m closer with my family now because I’m making an effort. I never quite appreciated the importance of family when I was younger, but now I understand. It’s worth it to reach out more often, visit more often, and really engage myself in family activities when I’m with them.
  14. I’d still like to find a great partner, but as of now, this is pretty terrific. I’m so thrilled to have made this much headway in the areas of connection and authenticity and presence that I’m fine with my single status for now. I think that my personal progress will only help me in the romantic realm—and if not, I’m still building a damn good life for myself.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at