Intermittent Dating Is The Answer To All Your Problems—Trust Me

Intermittent dating is exactly what it sounds like: you put yourself out there for a while and really work at looking for love… and then you just stop, take a break, and decompress. Here’s why it might be worth your while.

  1. It helps you de-stress. If you get into a dating frenzy, it can make you start to stress out. And for what? Just because you’ve had a string of bad dates doesn’t mean that you should invest so much of yourself and your feelings into dating or fall prey to the pressures associated with it. Taking a break from dating for a while can help to give you some perspective.
  2. It prevents dating burnout. When you date too much and get too anxious about the process, it can lead to burnout. One of the main symptoms is feeling jaded about love. It can mess with your head, so give yourself permission to take a timeout. You’ll be able to recharge your batteries and come back refreshed.
  3. It reminds you to have some fun. It’s hard to find someone worthy to date, but the dating process doesn’t have to be so serious all the time. You might be approaching things a little too intensely if you’ve given yourself a deadline for finding someone or if you constantly overanalyze your interactions with guys. If you take a time out from dating once in a while, it’s a great reminder to have some fun so you can regain some perspective ad levity. After all, what’s the point of downloading a dating app or going on a blind date if you’re not going to enjoy it?
  4. It fine-tunes your type. Stepping out of the dating game and figuring out your type is important every now and then, especially because your type changes as you change and grow. Doing this also prevents you from dating the wrong kinds of guys over and over again. That really only leads to dead-end relationships.
  5. It makes you see what or who’s important to you. Sometimes the best time to try intermittent dating is just after you’ve met a guy you’d like to see again. Hear me out. Having some distance from him will show you if he’s someone you’re really likely to pursue or not. You’ll also be able to think more clearly about him when he’s not bombarding you with texts and attention. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
  6. It helps you regain your spark. A string of bad dates can leave you feeling cynical, bitter, and completely drained of energy. Some are even toxic and can make you feel down about yourself. By taking a break for a while to do things that make you happy, you’ll regain your spark in life and discover that you’re the only one who can make you happy. The bonus? Not only will you be able to stand on your own two feet but you’ll also be able to bring that awesome energy to your future dates.
  7. It gives you time to do what’s important. Your whole life shouldn’t be focused on dating. There’s so much in your life that’s worth getting out of bed in the morning to do. Take the energy and time you usually spend on finding someone, whether in RL or on dating apps, and inject it elsewhere into your life. You’ll see that there’s so much passion and excitement to enjoy in life that doesn’t have to do with love.
  8. It might make you realize you don’t actually want to date right now. Sometimes taking a dating break is the perfect way to make you realize you don’t want to find your perfect partner. Heck, maybe you don’t even want to date casually right now, and that’s totally cool. However, you might not learn that if you keep pushing yourself to go on dates, especially if you’re negatively affected by societal pressure. Step away from the dating app, take a few deep breaths, and repeat after me: “I’m more than fine without a partner.”
  9. It teaches you about yourself. What are your values, relationship goals, and wants? What do you really need from someone? What is it you like and dislike? Think of intermittent dating as taking time to check in with yourself. You have to do that every now and then to figure out where you’re at and what a relationship can bring to your life so that you find the right one. Remember: a relationship has to fit your life, not the other way around!
  10. It reminds you why being single is awesome. When you slow down and stop dating for a while, you’ll return to yourself. You’ll see (yet again) why being single is so damn amazing. It might be because you get the whole bed to yourself or you don’t have to take your partner into account when you want to eat Italian food five nights in a row, or even the bigger things like pursuing your dreams wholeheartedly. When you immerse yourself into single life, it teaches you that if it happens that you never meet your perfect partner, you’ll still be perfectly happy. Now that is awesome energy to bring on dates.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.