I’m Into Him But He’s Into Someone Else & It’s Torture

We dated, I fell in love and so did he. Problem is, he fell in love with someone else! Now he’s enjoying the perfect relationship with this girl and I’m sitting on my own going absolutely crazy. Where do you even start dealing with this crap?

I can’t stop thinking about him. No matter what I try, the same thoughts keep going around in my head. I know I should stop thinking about him and just let it go but my feelings seem to be here to stay. All I want to do is sit at home and cry.

I know this will pass but right now it hurts like hell. I wish I could say that this is the first time I’ve had a guy reject me but it really isn’t. The good thing about this is that at least I know these things do pass. I have to keep telling myself this, though, because at the moment I’m so heartbroken I almost can’t believe I’ll ever be able to love someone else or love again at all.

This wasn’t bad timing—he made a choice and I wasn’t it. I don’t believe in bad timing. Sometimes it’s just one of those lies people tell themselves to make rejection feel easier. In this case, it’s without question—this guy could have had me. In fact, he did have me but he ended up falling in love with someone else. I just wasn’t “The One” or whatever. Even if his current relationship dies, what’s certain is that this guy’s not into me.

I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me. Yes, I shouldn’t let the fact that this one dude isn’t in love with me affect my self-worth, but you know what? This hit me really hard. I was right there in front of him and he went for someone else. Why? What’s so unappealing about me that I totally failed to hold his interest? I just can’t shake the feeling that I must have said or done something wrong.

I know that I’m putting her on a pedestal but I can’t help it. Apart from doubting myself, I’ve turned his new girlfriend into this unattainable goddess just to make myself feel even worse. I’m sure she has plenty of flaws because nobody’s perfect but for now all I can see are things that make her better than me. I feel pretty stupid. For one, people fall in love not just with the person’s good sides but also the bad. I’ve had guys leave me when I showed “too much interest” only to fall in love with women who didn’t even want them, so I know in my heart it’s probably not about me at all. But right here, right now? All I see is this perfect woman in a perfect relationship. A relationship I thought I had up till very recently.

I thought what we had was real but I was wrong. I wasn’t admiring this guy from afar. We were actually dating. Sure, it was “casual,” whatever that means. We didn’t define anything but we were seeing each other regularly and I honestly thought things were heating up and would be turning into a real relationship soon enough. Turns out, as soon as he was ready to make things official with someone, he found someone else to do it with.

He’s completely different with her and it’s driving me crazy. Casual? Oh no, not with her. They’ve been together for five minutes and have already declared themselves a couple. I guess when you know, you know, right? That to me says he knew from the start that he wasn’t really into me. Just watching him dote on her makes me want to scream. You know how it is, though—we move in the same circles, so it’s either put up or become a hermit until this blows over. At the moment I’m leaning towards the latter, to be honest. It’s all just too much.

I want to cut them both out of my life but that feels so childish. Every time I go on Facebook, I just want to block them both so I don’t have to see any more happy selfies. I do feel so childish for feeling like this, though. These things happen—we’re all adults. I should be able to just deal with this, right?

I’m stuck with all these feelings and I don’t know what to do with them. It’s all just one big mess of emotions—love, hate, anger, hurt. It’s like this massive internal conflict all the time. I’m sure this is what addiction feels like—wanting something so badly, even though you know it’s bad for you and you should stop. But how?

You can’t hate someone for being in love with someone else but I really wish I could. I’m trying to be mature here and it’s not easy. I mean, officially we never defined anything so it’s not like he cheated on me. Did he lead me on? I could have asked him to define things at any point and I didn’t. And feelings are not something we control, so I can’t really hate him for having some for someone else. It would make things so much easier if I could blame him for something, be justifiably angry, hate him. Anger is so much better than hurt and pain.

She did nothing wrong but I hate her anyway. It’s hard to be angry at him because I still love him too. I know I can’t blame her for just being but for now, it does help to direct all my anger towards her. Just let me have this one, okay?

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