Is Your Ex A Loser Or Does He Deserve A Second Chance?

After a breakup, especially with a guy you pictured spending the rest of your life (or at least the forseeable future with, there’s always the throbbing temptation to go back. You probably get caught up in the good times and forget all the bad. It happens, but most guys don’t deserve a second chance if they screwed up the first one. Here are some indicators that your guy is different:

  1. He made just one mistake — no big deal. What did he actually do wrong? If the breakup was down to a whole bunch of things adding up until you just couldn’t take anymore, you’re unlikely to fix that anytime soon. Still, if the reason you broke up was because the dude made one mistake, you may be able to get past it.
  2. Your friends are still friends with him. What your friends think of your ex will have a massive bearing on how you see him. If they start trash-talking him the moment you split, the chances are they never really liked him. That should tell you all you need to know. However, if they’re reluctant to let the guy go from the social circle, maybe you’re saying goodbye to a good thing. That’s not a hard and fast rule, of course, just something to consider.
  3. He can admit he was wrong. Ladies, we know that most guys have a real problem admitting it when they are wrong. When that big ol’ ego of theirs starts swelling, there’s no way that they’ll utter the words, “I messed up.” If this man is willing to put you in front of his ego, he might be worth another try. It honestly takes a real man to take a look at himself and realize he screwed up.
  4. He didn’t just promise to change, he actually followed through. It’s easy to promise to be different and change all the bad things about yourself when you’re desperate to save a relationship, but it’s entirely another to actually follow through with it. If he’s followed through on his promise to improve himself and his life, he might be worth taking a gamble with.
  5. You still get pangs in your tummy when you see him. Does he still make you feel the way he did when you guys first met? If those initial feelings have stood the test of time, you’d be a silly fool to throw them all away. Real feeling doesn’t come along every day. Most people spend their entire lives looking for and hoping to find real love. If you already have it, quit complaining and try to make it work.
  6. He’s 100% open with you now. Often the reason that relationships break down is because someone isn’t being entirely honest. If you’ve been lied to by this guy in the past, you’ll struggle to trust anything he says from now on. It’s time to get the cards out on the table once and for all. If he can explain his actions and be open, you may be able to trust him again. Remember, trust is something that’s earned and he has a really long road ahead of him.
  7. He respects you enough to give you space. While you may want a guy who comes knocking at your door at 3am to declare his undying love for you, it doesn’t bode well for the relationship. When you say it’s over, your ex needs to respect that. He can’t force you into taking him back — and you certainly shouldn’t let him. Do you want to give it another chance or is he just pushing you into it? You need space to figure that out.
  8. You actually miss him, not just having a boyfriend. Of course, whenever you break up with someone, you’ll probably miss them to a certain extent, even if you were the one that ended things. Once you start to get over the initial shock, though, you should come out the other end and start to move on. What if that never, ever happens? If you miss him — not just having a boyfriend/being in a relationship — and know he misses you too, it may be worth giving it another try. Don’t rush this thing; just see whether it works one day at a time.
  9. He finally has his act together. This is perhaps the most important reason you should give it another go. When a guy is a mess that he wants you to clean up, you should run and never look back. On the other hand, if he really has his act together at last, he may be worth your time.
  10. You’ve changed. He may have done his fair share of things to contribute to the end of the relationship, but you’re not perfect either. If you’ve taken time to reflect on the relationship and your behavior, made the necessary adjustments and still think you’d like another chance with your ex, this might be the right time.
Charlotte is a freelance writer who's addicted to binge-watching TV, drinking far too much coffee, and writing articles.