Is he a keeper? That all depends. If you’ve been head over heels for months with your new guy and you’re trying to figure out if he’s really The One, boy do I have the list for you. Look for someone who does these things for you — they’re the signs of a great partner and someone you could be happy with long-term.
- He texts you “good morning.” This is a simple gesture, sure, but there’s a lot behind it. First of all, it means that you’re the first thing he thinks of in a morning. Secondly, it means that he knows how to support you and make you feel wanted and seen. Even if you have to tell him that you would appreciate these texts, that doesn’t erase the value of the gesture. We all have to be told things sometimes, but the fact he listens to you and prioritizes your needs, even in a small way, is so important.
- He sends you memes. Every time you receive a meme from this man, much like the good morning text, you have evidence that you were on his mind. You show each other new sides of yourself – the goofy ’90s kids that never grew out of Converses. You find that you love each other more when you can take your walls down and feel safe in each other’s personalities.
- He surprises you. These don’t have to break the bank, but they’re secrets and surprises “just because.” There doesn’t have to be a big pressure or grand gesture around your birthday or anniversary. It doesn’t even need to be public, but it’s the thought that counts. It could range from a trip to Europe to bringing home a new jar of peanut butter when you run out. They’re showing that they know you. Make sure that you make the effort in return to be a keeper too.
- He’s mature enough to ask what you want. Lots of guys think that we all just want flowers and chocolates. But if I get drooping gas station roses one more time from a guy that thinks I now owe him a quickie, someone’s getting punched. The bar is higher than generic flowers, guys. Even for people who love flowers, please, please don’t get them roses. Show that you have researched it, or reached out and just asked what your partner wants. They will appreciate it and it will be just as romantic to know what they actually want rather than getting chocolate oranges every year when you hate them. No, I’m not still bitter.
- He has communication skills. So many men are emotionally underdeveloped or repressed because they haven’t had a healthy, de-stigmatized way of expressing themselves without fear of judgment. However, for men that are willing to learn, compromise, and build on their own existing communication skills, the relationship has legs. You won’t have to teach them how to be emotionally aware like a teenager. You can both articulate your feelings and problem-solve issues together.
- He loves your friends. Sometimes it takes a keeper to come around and make you realize that when a guy makes no effort with your friends, it’s not just being shy, it’s being rude. That means that when someone does make the effort, you can join all your friendship groups together and the important people in your life can all meet.
- He introduces you to his family. I love it when men are open to flexibility in a relationship, but I am always more impressed when they take charge. When they aren’t afraid to show their cards and make the first move, emotionally, rather than just physically. If he’s the first to say “I love you” or to suggest moving in, or meeting the parents, that’s powerful. He doesn’t wait until you have risked rejection to express himself. He takes ownership of his feelings. This shows that he values you, as well as himself, and I can appreciate that. It means he’s in it for the long haul because we all know that once you tell your mother about someone, she will ask about them until the end of time.
- He’s self-aware. None of us are born perfect, or all immediately blessed with relationship skills. Therefore, it’s important that your man is self-aware and ready to compromise, as you should be too. You can both grow together and overcome challenges as they arise, but he won’t be bringing unnecessary and avoidable drama from the outset.
So, there you have it – the perfect man (or as close as you’re going to get). Well, pretty damn close, anyway. Congratulate yourself if your guy is a keeper, but don’t worry if your man isn’t quite there yet. There’s time and we can all change for the better.
