Is He Bad In Bed? 8 Ways to Subtly Retrain His Moves

Sometimes you have all the pieces for an awesome relationship, but even though you love sleeping with him he just isn’t as, um, masterful in bed as some of your past lovers. Don’t settle for mediocre sex out of trying to protect his male ego, here are some easy ways to retrain his moves in bed without totally insulting him.

  1. Give positive re-enforcement. Quite possibly the best thing you can do to encourage certain things in the bedroom is to make it very clear what you do like. If you don’t, he really won’t know. Do whatever you need to do… moan, dig your fingers into his back, literally just say, “That feels good.” Just be sure and only say it when you mean it, otherwise you’ll be getting a repeat whether you actually liked it or not.
  2. Switch it up when you’re not feeling it. If he’s doing his best job of going downtown but he’s just not hitting the right spot, feel free to angle your hips in the right direction or even gently guide his head. He would probably do the same with you, and there’s nothing wrong with making sure it’s right on target.
  3. Guide his hand. It can feel a little bossy to literally move his hand and show him how it’s done, but if he’s into making you feel good, he won’t mind. Technically while both of your hands are down there intermingling, you’re sort of touching yourself anyway, and no guy has ever not thought that was the hottest thing ever.
  4. Prompt him with a new position. If your guy basically always has the same couple moves in the bedroom, just tell him you have a new move you’d like to try. Be sure to mention why in a fun way, like you read in a magazine it’s an awesome angle for both people, or it’s going to give him a great view of your butt.
  5. Ask him if there’s anything you can do for him. Sometimes opening the dialogue from the other end is a good way to get the conversation flowing. Ask him if there are any positions he’s been wanting to try or if he has any ideas for how to take your oral sex to the next level. Ideally he’ll reciprocate.
  6. Watch something sexy together. It doesn’t have to be straight up sex movie, though if you’re into that, it can be. Sometimes watching something sexy together will introduce you both to moves that are a little different than your own sexual habits, and it’s easy to comment on what the people on TV are up to and how it might relate to you. A “Whoa, that looks hot!” when you see something you like should pique his interest.
  7. Make sure the pressure is right. The simple truth is that lady parts and male parts can handle different amounts of pressure, and he’s probably waiting for you to let him know whether he’s hitting yours with the right kind. Don’t be shy about asking him to go a little softer or back off if you get over-stimulated. Almost anything you could say in a breathy voice is going to go over fine.
  8. Throw out some suggestions. One of the easiest ways to mention some moves that you feel are missing without straight up demanding them is just to bring up the fact that you haven’t done it too often. The “we” part is helpful for the conversation, since it’s both of your sex lives. Be careful not to bruise his ego, but adventurous in what you’d like to try. It’ll likely pay off bigtime.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog