Being in love with someone else while in a relationship is a serious issue that could (and probably should) end things between a couple. If you suspect your partner is still hung up on someone else, here are a few signs so you can confront him and ultimately walk away.
- He calls you by her name… on more than one occasion. Mistakes can happen at any time, especially if he was with his ex for a long time. After all, old habits die hard. However, if it keeps happening, she’s still on his mind. You have the right to be offended and feel a little deflated. It’s an embarrassing thing for both of you.
- Her stuff is still all over his apartment. Not just photos, but cardigans, her toothbrush, and overnight gear. It’s almost like he’s expecting her to come back any second. In fact, you’re almost worried she’ll bust into the room while you’re over and tell you they’re still together. Fact: No ex-girlfriend will be asking for her toothbrush back. The fact that he hasn’t tossed these things is a huge sign.
- He wasn’t the one who did the breaking up. Even if he hasn’t talked about the breakup all that much, you’ve figured out that he wasn’t the one who initiated it. That means that there’s a good chance his feelings aren’t entirely resolved. You shouldn’t be the placeholder girlfriend, so if he makes you feel like one, it’s time to follow in his exes’ footsteps and plan your exit.
- He’s still Facebook friends with her family. It sucks to bond with someone and then have them taken away when a breakup happens. When people divorce, for example, a whole family becomes affected since things aren’t the way they used to be. That being said, outside of marriage, it’s really strange for your boyfriend to still be in touch with an ex-girlfriend’s mother. It might take him a while to either delete her or at least block her (which is probably the kinder action) but liking her statuses shows he still wishes things were the way they used to be.
- He talks to you way too much about a “harmless” crush. Your guy doesn’t have to have dated another girl to be in love with someone else. Keep an eye out for crushes or other women who he talks about far too much. For example, if there’s a card-swiper at the gym he goes to that he pretends to be infatuated with, don’t take that as a joke. It’s normal to form very small crushes on other people but when you openly tell your significant other, you’re trying to minimalize the impact of your emotions.
- A lot of his clothes were picked out by her. To him, they’re just clothes; to you, they’re gifts that he can’t part with. If she did all of his shopping, maybe he gets a pass — after all, he needs clothes. But if he refuses to part with things that she bought that are literally falling apart or tries to turn this around on you for reading too much into the situation, they probably have more meaning than you think.
- He’s told you that he thought he wanted kids, but not anymore. Everyone has the right to change their mind, but if he was all on board with kids and then told you he wasn’t into them (or marriage) after a few months of dating, you can take that to mean that he doesn’t want kids and marriage with you. He had a whole life planned with another woman and doesn’t want to get tied down by the big stuff in case she changes her mind.
- You’ve checked his Facebook history and he’s looked up someone else a lot. This may be sneaky, but if you have a right to know if you’re wasting time with someone who’s wasting your time. We all have a habit of looking up other people, especially exes, but if this seems to be a daily habit—or if he’s making sure to save a ton of her photos while on her page—his heart is elsewhere.
- She manages to end up in every conversation. If you’re talking about going on vacation, he happens to mention a trip he took with her. If you bring up a band you like, he mentions how they were also the favorite band of an ex—and he’ll tell you all about the concert they went to together. In his mind, he’s trying to relate to you about common interests, but in your mind, all you can hear is “I’m still in love with my ex.”