Is He Into You Or Is He Settling Because He Can’t Have The Girl He Really Wants?

You met a great guy… or so you think. Even though he’s almost perfect, you still feel a little weird about the fact that he’s VERY recently single. You’re falling fast, but how do you know if his feelings are real, too? Here are some signs that you’re just a rebound:

  1. He just got out of his last relationship. You’d think this one was obvious, but too many women overlook this little detail. If he’s just getting out of a serious relationship, then he needs time to mourn the love he lost. If you hang around, you’ll just be helping him move on from her, then you, and onto someone new.
  2. He constantly compares you to his ex. Why? Because she’s still on his mind. She’s front and center even though he’s currently attached to you. He can’t forget her because he’s not over her. You might be his girlfriend, but when he looks at you, he can’t help but compare you to his ex.
  3. Your relationship is in overdrive. He doesn’t know how to take things slow because he’s simply transitioning from one relationship to the next. You’ve only been together for a short while, but you’re acting like you’ve been together for years. Things are moving fast not because you’re perfect for each other, but because he needs the comfort of a relationship back.
  4. He can’t stop talking about his breakup. It’s natural to obsessively talk about a breakup when the wound is still fresh. He’s always thinking about her because he misses her. Do you really want to be his backup girl? That’s what a rebound is: the next best thing to help someone bounce back from the person they really want.
  5. You’re his shoulder to cry on. He’s bitter about the breakup, so one minute he’s bashing his ex and the next he’s begging you to never hurt him like she did. He got his heart broken, and those wounds are still fresh. You’re not his girlfriend — you’re his therapist. His one hope in being with you is that you can somehow heal his heart.
  6. You don’t really know each other. Despite the fact that you hang out all the time, he doesn’t really want to get to know you — he just doesn’t want to be single. You’re relationship is more shallow than you think. It’s just about having someone, not being with YOU. So while he might pretend that he’s falling in love, he’s not actually swooning over you. He’s just in love with the idea of being in love.
  7. You’re the new star of his social media pages. He wants to convince everyone he knows that he’s moved on, so he can’t help but blast your new relationship status all over social media. Between the pictures and the lengthy posts about his newfound happiness, he’s shoving your relationship down everyone’s throat. Not only is he hoping that this will make him feel like he really has moved on, he’s hoping it convinces his ex of that, too.
  8. He’s never really been single. He bounces from one girl to the next, hoping that each one will make him feel better than the last. He just wants someone, anyone. His relationship history is just a long series of rebounds. You’re the flavor of the month, but just remember he’s only with you because he’s too scared to be alone.
  9. He’s still in contact with his most recent ex. This might be hard to hear, but the reason they still keep in contact is because he’s not ready to let go of her. He might not even be friends with her, but he definitely makes sure she knows you’re dating because he’s dying for a hint of her jealousy. Their relationship might be over, but his feelings aren’t, and that’s why he’s using you.
  10. He’s not in love with you—he’s obsessed. Maybe that’s what you always wanted: to have a guy who just can’t get enough of you. But take a step back and ask yourself why you’re his drug of choice. When you’re a rebound girl, he falls quick and hard because he’s terrified of being alone. He wants to spend all his free time with you because it helps him forget his ex for a while. You’re not the love of his life; you’re just a distraction.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.