Is He Actually Losing Interest Or Are You Overthinking?

It can be hard to judge whether or not you’re overthinking when it comes to reading signals from men. It would be nice if everyone was just straightforward about how they feel and what they’re thinking, but since this isn’t usually the case, it’s normal to wonder whether or not he’s losing interest in the relationship. Here are some questions to ask so you know for sure.

  1. Has his effort and priorities in regards to you changed out of nowhere? If he prioritized spending time with you and made a strong effort to make plans and keep in contact throughout the day in the beginning, it’s definitely a red flag if that suddenly changes without reason. However, if his job situation recently changed or he’s been going through new and/or stressful situations in his personal life that you’re aware of, it might feel like he’s losing interest in you when he really is just trying to adjust.
  2. Has he suddenly started making excuses for why he’s not available? If your guy has started making excuses that often are kind of sketchy or seem to be planned in advance for why he can’t hang out or why he didn’t text you all day, you might not be overthinking. Making excuses for why he’s not around that are unusual and out of the blue might be a sign that he’s not that into you anymore, especially if he gets defensive and/or upset when you bring it up.
  3. Does he make plans without including you in them or even letting you know about them? Whether it’s plans for the weekend coming up or for a fun getaway a few months out, he might be losing interest in your relationship if he doesn’t bother to mention them to you, let alone invite you to join. Of course, guys don’t always plan well and it may have just slipped his mind, but if he seems to be making plans without you, there’s a good chance something’s up.
  4. Are you having sex more or less than you used to? It’s normal in relationships to go through changes in the amount of sex you have, especially when you’re going through big life changes. However, if your guy suddenly seems uninterested in having sex, especially when you come onto him, that’s a sign you’re not overthinking. Consequently, if all he wants to do is have sex, that could be a sign he’s losing interest in the relationship and is initiating it in order to avoid talking about his feelings.
  5. Is he less jealous than he has been in the past? There’s a difference between being controlling and manipulative and being a little jealous. Sometimes a little jealousy is a healthy thing in a relationship. If he used to be a little jealous when another guy hit on you at the bar and now seems not to care when a similar situation occurs, he might be losing interest in the relationship. Of course, this can also mean that he’s comfortable with your relationship and confident in himself. However, if his jealous tendencies change dramatically, that’s a sign he might be checking out of the relationship.
  6. Have you noticed a difference in his cell phone and/or laptop use? For example, maybe he never used to be on his phone a lot but suddenly he’s always texting away. Another sign that you’re not overthinking is that he’s become much more secretive about his technological devices. If he goes into a separate room to answer phone calls or turns his phone upside down on the table when you’re around so that any potential messages don’t pop up, that’s not a good sign for his commitment to your relationship.
  7. Do you tend to overanalyze situations regularly and make things into a bigger deal than they actually are? A lot of people (including me) have the tendency to overthink things and create stress and issues that are unnecessary. Of course, looking at your guy’s behavior is important when trying to figure out whether he’s losing interest, but looking at your own personal habits is a good idea as well. If you know that you have a habit of overthinking, it might be a good idea to confide in someone who you trust but is also completely removed from the relationship to get the opinion of an impartial third party.
  8. Are you listening to your gut? I am a huge believer in listening to my gut feelings and intuition. Most of the time, when I have had a strange gut feeling about someone or something, I ended up being right. A lot of the time, human beings have gut feelings, but when they’re not the answer or result we were hoping for, we try to disprove our own thoughts which just causes stress, pain and prolongs the inevitable. Trust yourself and your intuition because if something in your gut tells you that your relationship is on the rocks, there’s a good chance you’re right.
Kerry is a freelance writer from Boston, Massachusetts who now lives in the Sunshine State with the love of her life and her 15 month old daughter. She writes frequently about her personal experiences (find more of her work on She has an Etsy shop with cute items: she's not writing, she loves to spend time outside, at the beach, and with her family.