Is He Really Amazing Or Do You Just Need Higher Standards?

You think he’s the best thing since sliced bread, but what if you’re actually just elevating him to crazy heights because you’ve dropped your standards? Here are 12 signs you need to reevaluate things—though it should be noted that while some of these points include traits in a partner that are important, it’s equally important to see beyond them.

  1. You’re not used to being treated well. You might be so used to guys treating you badly that you’re guilty of putting any guy who does the bare minimum on a pedestal. When compared to other guys, he probably isn’t even that great. He just seems amazing because you’re comparing him to the jerks you knew before he came along.
  2. You’re blinded by the nice guy. It’s not easy to find a genuinely nice guy, so when you do, it feels like the heavens have opened. The danger of this is that you’re basically saying that a guy just has to be polite and decent to get your adoration and anything else can be overlooked. Yikes.
  3. You’re not seeing his flaws. It’s easy to be madly in love with a guy’s perfect qualities and totally ignore the flaws he has. While this usually happens in the early stages of a relationship, you might be guilty of it later on too. How does this link up to having low standards? You think you don’t deserve the full-package guy so you turn a blind eye to qualities that should be serious deal breakers.
  4. You don’t know your worth. You think he’s great on paper and that might be true, but raise your standards, girl. Know your worth a bit more so that you wait for the person who checks all the important boxes, not just some of the boxes that don’t even matter to you.
  5. He does things you’ve never seen. He calls after a date. He actually picks up the phone and calls you. This seems like something so out there, so fantastic, that it makes you see him as perfect. But hold on (and put him on hold, would you?). It doesn’t mean that just because the guy knows how to press some digits that he’s worthy of dating you. Lots of guys know how to make a phone call, so don’t let cynical thoughts about dating color your view of him and make you expect less in a partner.
  6. He wanted to pay for the first date. Maybe you’re secretly in awe of this because it just feels so horrible when a guy says he wants to split the bill even though he asked you out. It feels so “meh.” But remember: this behavior, while great, doesn’t mean that he’s an amazing guy. It’s only the first date. See what happens.
  7. He’s really attractive. Maybe you always thought that this kind of guy was out of your league (and wrongly so), but whatever. The point is that his good looks bowl you over. Don’t like his hair and biceps so much that they cloud what he’s really like on the inside, though. Trust me, when he reveals that he’s a total jerk, you won’t care about his baby blues.
  8. He’s decent to those around him. Don’t get me wrong, you absolutely want a guy who treats others with respect, from the waiter to his mother and everyone else who crosses his path. But if this is the only thing you’re going on, you have to ask yourself if it’s enough. Let’s also consider that you have to see him in various situations and with different people before you can really judge if he’s a good person. It doesn’t only come down to how he tips the waiter. The most charming men can be the worst ones, with their nasty personalities in hiding until you get to know them better.
  9. He brags about being a feminist. While you definitely want a guy who cares about women’s issues and supports women, you don’t want a guy who goes around bragging about how he’s a feminist. Don’t let this make you swoon over him unless he shows that he actually cares about women’s issues. Talk is so cheap.
  10. He calls himself a stand-up guy. Really? Do you need a guy who tells you he’s a nice, stand-up guy? Ugh, he’s probably just saying that to manipulate you. If he’s really good he won’t have to advertise the fact.
  11. He’s fun to be around. It’s amazing to meet a guy and feel a real spark, especially when it comes to having a shared sense of humor. But laughing a lot with a fun guy can cause those endorphins from a belly-hurting session to go straight to your head and make you think he’s worth dating. Unless he’s able to have a serious conversation that actually means something, it’s not enough to share a laugh. Strangers can do that. Aim for more than a guy who knows how to tell a joke.
  12. He likes ballet/poetry/shopping. When you meet someone who shares your interests, even the ones you thought you had to enjoy with your girlfriends for eternity, it can make you think he’s really perfect for you. But don’t assign traits to him based on what he likes. For example, just because he likes poetry doesn’t mean he’s intelligent or deep. Similarly, just because he likes the ballet, it doesn’t mean he’s classy. Get to know him before you decide he’s worth your time.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.