Is He Saying “I Love You” Too Soon? Signs He Really Doesn’t Mean It

Most of us dream of the day the guy we’re seeing utters those three little words for the first time. It’s an affirmation your boyfriend reciprocates your feelings and really cares about you. However, is it possible that he’s saying “I love you” too soon? If it happens under any of these circumstances, it’s unlikely that he actually means it (even if he doesn’t realize it just yet).

  1. He’s drunk. It goes without saying that he’s saying “I love you” way too soon if the first time the words leave his mouth are when he’s under the influence of alcohol (or even drugs). I know people say that drunk people often tell the truth, but they also do dumb stuff they seriously regret when they sober up again. If this happens to you, try and forget you ever heard those words. He probably will (or he’ll wish you did).
  2. You haven’t been together very long. While it shouldn’t take years to know you love someone and tell them as much, if he’s blurting it out when you’ve been on, like, two dates or are in the very early stages of your courtship, there’s a problem. There’s no way he can actually even really know you yet, so how can he love you? Sorry, but he can’t.
  3. His words and his behavior don’t line up. If he declares his undying love for you but still acts like a bit of an idiot when it comes to your relationship — flaking on plans, acting hot and cold, “forgetting” to answer your text — when he clearly doesn’t mean it. A guy who really loves you won’t just say it, he’ll show it by acting accordingly.
  4. You were just about to have sex/just had sex when he said it. If there’s sex anywhere around the “I love you” conversation, that’s a wrap. A guy who thinks or simply says he’s fallen for you because he wants to get you into bed, you’re in the middle of having sex with him, or he’s just had an incredible orgasm is not a guy who truly loves you. It’s a guy who got caught up in the heat of the moment and needs better self-control.
  5. He’s upset you and wants to make amends. No matter how much you want him to say he loves you, he really doesn’t mean it if it happens when he’s trying to get back in your good books. If he’s hurt you, intentionally or otherwise, or is simply trying to make you smile because he knows you’re unhappy, he’s saying it because he thinks that’s what you want to hear.
  6. You feel like he’s using it to get something from you. A guy who says he loves you as a way to manipulate you is not someone capable of caring for you. This makes him insincere and even manipulative, and not only does he not mean it, but you should probably get out ASAP.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia