Is He Stringing You Along? 12 Signs He’s Not Interested In Anything Real

Getting strung along by a guy always feels like such an insult. Why didn’t he just tell you he wasn’t interested? If you’re dealing with someone who’s trying to get what he can out of you without actually wanting to be in a real relationship, you need to keep your eyes open for these 12 signs. He’s stringing you along, not leading you to coupled-up bliss.

  1. He just sorta… goes along with it. You’re the one who texts him first. You’re the one who makes date plans. He goes with the flow, letting you do all the hard work and contributing next to nothing. It’s as if he’s not even an active participant in your relationship.
  2. He doesn’t talk about labels. When someone assumes that you guys are dating, he doesn’t say anything. When he introduces you to his friends, he doesn’t call you his girlfriend. He might not say anything at all and leave you to introduce yourself. When you bring it up, he insists it’s “no big deal” and claims he didn’t even realize he was doing it. And yet, he never corrects the behavior.
  3. He’s a maybe baby. He never commits fully to plans. When you suggest going to a concert, he’s noncommittal and makes a weird comment about needing to see what he’s doing that day. It’s like he always has to shift his schedule around in order to squeeze in a bit of time to hang with you. Ugh. Seriously?
  4. His date location is the bedroom. One type of date he can commit to is the one that happens in the bedroom. Whenever you want to see him, he’s keen on having sex. He’d rather do that than spend time having romantic dates or even talking. Once the deed is done, he’s pretty much ready to go.
  5. He’s all about promises. He can promise you the world, but he never actually does what he will. Whether it’s taking you to that new restaurant you’re desperate to try or turning up to one of your work functions, he swears he’ll make it and never does. Watch how he treats the little things, like texting you or calling you. If he bails on those, then he’s really not one to be trusted.
  6. He says you’re “hanging out.” He never actually says you’re dating or even that you’re getting to know each other. Nope, he refers to your time together as “hanging out.” He likes to keep things as casual as possible, but if you’ve been dating for weeks or months, that’s not a good sign for a relationship future.
  7. You don’t know where you stand. It’s been weeks or maybe even months and you’re still not clear on where you stand with him. Are you in a relationship? Are you his girlfriend? That’s a red flag! By now he should know what he wants for his romantic future, otherwise, why is he still taking up your time and energy?
  8. He texts after midnight. A guy who can never chat during the day but likes to fire up your phone after midnight is clearly only texting because he’s bored, can’t sleep, or is horny. In other words, it’s never a good sign.
  9. He’s all about group outings. Instead of having quality time with you, he always likes to invite you out to outings he’s already going to. How convenient, and it means he doesn’t have to make any effort with planning dates. It sometimes feels like you’re just one of his friends instead of someone he’d want to date.
  10. He doesn’t touch you in public. He’s always keen to hug and kiss when you’re alone together, but when you’re in public, he doesn’t even graze his hand against yours. It can feel quite weird, like you’re dating two different guys. He might be doing this because he doesn’t want anyone to see you guys together or he doesn’t feel like he wants to make your relationship public. Both are upsetting.
  11. He pushes your compliments away. If a guy can’t accept your compliments, that’s a bad sign. It’s like he doesn’t want you to put him on a pedestal or think he’s such a great guy. He’s basically telling you not to expect anything from him, which tells you everything you need to know.
  12. Whenever things become real, he backs down. He acts like he wants to be your boyfriend but whenever you hint at something more serious growing between you, he’s quick to shoot it down. He might say he’s not into commitment “right now” or he might want that “some time in the future.” He’s keeping you around for as long as it’s convenient. Don’t hold onto hope. It’s never going to happen with this guy.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.