Is He Trying To Turn You Into His Ex?

Is He Trying To Turn You Into His Ex? ©iStock/claudio.arnese

The past is over, but why do you get the feeling he’s brought his ex right into your relationship? Sometimes it seems like he’s just not over her — or if he is, he still wants you to be a lot more like her. This way, he gets a brand new woman with all of his ex’s best qualities, minus all the drama. To him, it’s the perfect solution; to you everyone else, it’s damn creepy. If he starts showing any of these signs, watch out:

  1. He only goes where he went with her. Do all your dates and vacations happen to be the same places he took his ex? Don’t worry, he’ll definitely tell you all about it. He’s just trying to relive the best of his last relationship. Maybe he should just relive things all on his own.
  2. He shames you into acting like her. This is an immediate dealbreaker for me. If your man starts saying things like, “But my ex used to do this,” or, “She wouldn’t act like this,” dump his ass now! If she was so great, maybe he should be with her. It’s not your job to be his ex.
  3. He suggests new clothing. I don’t mind a guy telling me he thinks I’d look good in something — I’m always up for trying something new. It’s when he starts trying to redo your wardrobe that you should worry. Find some pictures of his ex. If his suggestions seem to mimic her style, tell him to kiss your ass and move on.
  4. He tells you he loves a certain hair color. Are you a blonde and his ex was a redhead? Beware if he starts telling you how much he loves redheads. He’s just trying to get you to dye your hair. Let him keep changing you and you won’t recognize yourself the next time you look in the mirror.
  5. He pushes you to try certain hobbies. Obviously you should love to do the same things his ex did, right? Wrong. I’ve ended several relationships over stupid stuff like this. I don’t mind trying something new, but if I don’t like it, get over it. I’m not going to like everything your ex did.
  6. He always tells you stories of things he did with her. Does he always talk about what they used to do? Not only is this a sign that he’s probably not over her, but he also wants to turn you into her and duplicate the experience.
  7. He wants you to be besties with her. This one really creeps me the hell out. She’s not just his ex, but his friend. Now he wants you to be friends with her, too. I get it. If you can’t change me, she’ll definitely be able to turn me into her. Um… no thanks.
  8. He tries to get you away from your friends. I’ll give it to him — he knows if you stay around your friends, they’ll tell you what’s going on. You should never have to give up your friends for a guy. Isolating you is just his way of controlling you.
  9. He only wants to watch her favorites. Of course he’s going to like some of the shows and movies she loved — they were together, after all. When he only wants to watch her favorites and tries to make you do the same, watch out.
  10. He uses the same nickname for you. Go ahead and ask his friends. If he’s calling you the same thing he called his ex, you’ve got a problem. You’re unique. You should have your own unique nickname. Otherwise, he’s seeing her when he looks at you.
  11. He accidentally says her name during sex. OK, so it’s probably not accidental. It should also be the last time you ever have sex with him. If you’re OK with this, he knows you’re not going to mind changing to make sure he likes you more. Stand up for yourself. No one should EVER say the wrong name during sex when you’re in a relationship.

I hate advocating Facebook stalking, but do a little research on his ex so you recognize the signs. Remember, they broke up for a reason. Turn into his ex and the relationship’s probably doomed anyway. Besides, do you really want to be someone else? I didn’t think so.

Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.