If you have doubts about whether the guy you’re with is serious about your relationship, here are a few signs to look for that will, unfortunately, confirm your fears.
- You’re always the one to initiate time together. You shouldn’t be the one who always has to reach out in order to see him. Making time to see each other should be a two-way street. If he really wants to be with you and take your relationship seriously, he’ll make an effort to see you without you having to ask.
- He cancels plans regularly. Stuff comes up and plans change, but if there’s a pattern of him bailing on dates with you, no amount of excuses or apologizing can disguise the fact that he isn’t treating the relationship with respect. If he was truly invested in you, he would be canceling plans with other people just to spend time with you, not the other way around.
- He’s evasive about the future. Talking about the future is a standard part of being a couple. You don’t have to jump right into arguing over baby names after three weeks of dating, but if he’s uncomfortable committing to being your plus one to your friend’s wedding in a month, he’s making it blatantly obvious that he isn’t capable of giving you what you deserve in a partner.
- He doesn’t open up about his personal life. Some people take longer to open up to a new partner, but given time, they will start to be more emotionally available. If the guy you’re with is closed off about his personal life and doesn’t seem to be evolving after a few weeks of dating, you can read between the lines and assume he’s never going to.
- You still haven’t met any of his friends. Introducing your new partner to your friends is a major milestone in a relationship. It shows that you’re ready to make the relationship public and be identified as part of a couple. If you’re still waiting around for the guy you’re dating to introduce you to his friends after a month or more of being together, he isn’t serious about your relationship.
- You feel like you have to impress him all the time. You shouldn’t feel like you have to make an effort to be interesting or attractive to him—being yourself is more than enough. It’s normal to feel anxious and excited at the beginning of a relationship and to try extra hard to look your best and be on your A-game, but once you’ve gotten to know someone, you should feel most comfortable when you’re just being yourself. If you’re with someone who makes you feel like that isn’t enough, he isn’t right for you.
- He uses humor as an evasion tactic. Humor is one of the most attractive attributes a person can have, but it isn’t always the sign of an emotionally well-adjusted person. Some people use their skills at making other people laugh to avoid getting too serious or having to answer personal questions. If the guy you’re dating makes you laugh, make sure he isn’t using it as a defense mechanism to prevent you from getting to know him on a deeper level.
- The relationship doesn’t seem to be progressing. The most important question to ask yourself is what you want out of the relationship. If you’ve vocalized your needs and waited a few weeks or months to no avail, you can assume that it won’t work out in the long run either. A person who isn’t willing to make an effort at the beginning of a relationship isn’t going to get any better as the relationship progresses.
- He makes his plans independent of you. It’s one thing to cancel plans at the last minute, it’s another thing to not even try to make plans in the first place. If he’s planning his life as if you don’t exist, expecting to slot you into his life whenever he has a few extra hours, go ahead and break up with him over text because he clearly doesn’t deserve to hear it in person.
- He’s hot and cold. Any guy who deserves you isn’t going to be confused about whether or not he’s interested. He’ll know you’re a catch and he’ll treat you that way. If the guy you’re with is sweet and loving one minute and cold and dismissive the next, he isn’t taking you seriously or taking the time to acknowledge how lucky he is to be with you.
- He doesn’t ask you questions about your life goals. One of the best ways to show you care about a person is to learn more about their hopes for the future. This is a basic element of good partnership that should be a non-negotiable requirement in a boyfriend. If he isn’t showing any interest in your life outside of him, he is a waste of your time.
