We’ve all heard of the phrase “love at first sight”, but a majority of us don’t believe in it. Why? Well, because it seems like the concept is solely based on attraction, and not about whether or not the guy in question has a solid character. Sometimes it takes a while to truly fall in love with someone, but other times you just get this feeling inside that fate brought the two of you together for a reason.
If you’re waffling between whether or not your guy is “The One” that you’re going to eventually spend the rest of your life with (and believe me, it’s totally normal to second guess yourself every once in awhile), here are a few ways to tell.
- You don’t hate each other’s friends. A person can be defined by who they choose to share their time with. If your guy insists on going out with his college buddies every Friday — you know, the ones who brag about multiple hot hook-ups, even though they’re in their late 20s — it’d make sense to question what your guy says about you when you’re not around. Does he lament about being in a relationship with the guys, yet act completely normal when he arrives home to you? Do they see you as a nag, since they’ve never been given the opportunity to meet you in person? It’s important to have a guys night or girls night every once in awhile, but if the stories he brings home make you cringe, there’s a chance that he might not be revealing his true colors to you.
- He won’t try to change you. No relationship is perfect, and oftentimes we need to choose our battles. But if you’re an emotional person, and he tells you that you should stop crying at those ASPCA ads, he’s telling you that your completely involuntary action is annoying him. “The one” will hand you a tissue box, while calmly telling you that unfortunately, your lease won’t let you adopt 9 dogs at once. Part of being in a long term relationship is realizing that everyone comes from different backgrounds and different families. Their reactions and points of view will reflect this, and while they might change and grow up a bit as time progresses, it’s something you’ll have little control over. If you vote Democrat and your guy is a strict Republican, he shouldn’t try to mold you into something you’re not.
- He’s respectful towards your family. Your family might be a little bit “off”, but the ideal guy won’t try to make you choose between him and them. He’ll do his best to blend in and make the most of your annual family traditions. He also won’t make you feel guilty about the travel involved in order to have these reunions, especially if he knows that family is important to you. His motto? Grin and bear it.
- He’s your best friend. The best relationships are based on true friendship and respect. “The One” will be the guy who you’ll want to share good news with first, and the guy who’ll cheer you up when life gets you down. You can’t keep a secret from him (even a good secret), and you’re able to read him like a book. The two of you are a team, and even little chores, like going to the bank, are more fun when you’re together. In your head, you can’t even imagine what’d happen if you split up — since not only would you lose a boyfriend, but you might also tarnish the best friendship you’ve ever had.
- Your fights don’t last longer than a few hours. Every couple fights. Don’t believe people who say they’ve never fought with a significant other, since they’re totally lying. Whether or not you’ve both had bad days and vent the wrong way, or if you’re just super stressed that he forgot to take the garbage out again, you’re bound to have a spat or two. But, you don’t hold grudges — and quite possibly, you feel worse about the fact that you’re fighting than the fact that the kitchen smells like three-day-old rotten meat. You realize that it was just frustration gone overboard, and remember pretty quickly that he’s only human.
- You feel sexy in PJs around him. There’s no need to spend a ton of money on fancy lingerie — “The One” finds you sexiest when you’re relaxed and you’re yourself. Sure, he appreciates it when you dress to the nines, but he also loves the moments when you curl up next to him and watch something on Netflix before hitting the hay. He just makes you feel special all the time, no matter what.
- He’s supportive of your dreams. A lot of couples have to suffer through long distance, especially when education and new careers are involved. He never puts himself first, and makes sure to plan the future in a way that’s beneficial to both of you. Even if money is tight, but you dream of going back to graduate school, he’ll find a way to make it happen — even if that means that your Friday night dates might happen over Skype every once in awhile. When you’ve found “The One”, potential roadblocks don’t scare you. You have enough faith in the relationship to know that it can conquer all hurdles. Even though you know it’ll be difficult, you also know that you’d never want to be put in a place where you have to choose between love and your own wants and needs.
- His vision of the future is clear. The ideal guy won’t be playing games with you, nor will he try to say things that he assumes will make you happy. If the “timeline” discussion comes up, he’ll be able to share his vision with you pretty clearly. He’ll be open about whether or not he wants kids, and let you know if he sees a big wedding in the future, or feels more comfortable with the longterm boyfriend/girlfriend titles. In short, he’ll never leave you guessing. When you meet “The One”, it’s important that you’re both on the same page. If he says he doesn’t want children, you shouldn’t assume that you’ll be able to change his mind — in fact, you’ll just be wasting your time. Bringing kids into the world is a huge, life-changing decision, and “The One” will have ideas that align pretty closely with your own.