The older you get, the smaller (but closer) your friend group becomes. You no longer hold on to ‘acquaintances’ that you have nothing in common with; you don’t have time to entertain the people who don’t make you a priority and you aren’t quick to make plans with someone who’s going to blow you off. Your friends are always quick to advise you to cut off a guy you’re seeing, but what about when it’s time to cut off your best friend? Regardless of what you’ve been through together, how much she knows about you, or how long you’ve been friends, sometimes you need to face the fact that the relationship may have run its course. But how can you tell?
She’s not there when you need her.
Whether you just broke up with your boyfriend, someone close to you passed away or you just had a crappy afternoon at work, there are some days where you just need your best friend. A few words of encouragement, someone to share a bottle of wine with, or just one of those good chats that puts things into perspective. A best friend knows exactly what you need and exactly what to say. When she’s not there when you need her most, it’s time to re-evaluate the ‘best friend’ status you’ve given her.
She doesn’t add any value to your life.
If she’s not challenging you, encouraging you, inspiring you or providing the kind of companion you should get from a best friend, what are you keeping her around for?
She cancels on you last minute.
Would you continue to see a guy who was bailing on plans an hour before you’re supposed to go out? Probably not. And if you were, your best friend would be shaking their head in disapproval. So why is it any different when your best friend is the one ditching? Let’s face it- it doesn’t matter who it is, you should never keep someone around who has no respect for your time. Or someone who makes you feel like spending time with you is a chore that they need an excuse to get out of.
She chooses her boyfriend over you
. Just because your best friend has a boyfriend doesn’t mean your friendship has to suffer. When you have a boyfriend, you can still go out with your single friends, you can still dedicate nights as ‘girls only’, and you’re still at your friend’s doorstep in a heartbeat with a bottle of wine when she needs you. Boyfriends will definitely take up a lot of your time and become one of the most important people in your life, but your boyfriend cannot fill every void. Even when you have a boyfriend, you still need a best friend. And if your bestie can’t recognize this, you have a serious issue.
When you’re a babysitter more than a friend
. We all like to go out and have a good time, but there comes an age where you can no longer blame drunk nights on ‘being young and having fun’. Of course we’ll be there to hold your hair back and make sure you’re not going to regret something in the morning, but if this becomes a regular occurrence, it may be time to pack in the friendship.
She spreads negative energy.
There’s nothing more draining then spending a couple hours with someone who is nothing but negative. Whether she’s always in a bad mood, putting you down, or just complaining about absolutely everything, she’s probably not someone you want to keep around.
She only talks about herself
. A friendship is a two way street. Of course you want to hear about the new guy she’s seeing, what’s going on with her family and her big promotion at work – but you have updates too. And it would be nice if she asked you about them.
She breaks girl-code.
Slept with your ex? Stole the man you’re crushing on? These are things a real best friend would never do.
She lets you text your ex
. Not that you shouldn’t be responsible for your own actions, but sometimes your best friend needs to step up to her duty and save you from making bad decisions. A real best friend would not let you text your ex. Whether she has to take away your phone or wrestle you to the ground, there’s no way you’re going to do something you’ll regret in the morning when your bestie is close by.
She forgets your birthday.
There’s only one day out of the entire year that gets to be all about you. If your best friend forgets about it or doesn’t do anything to make you feel like your day is extra special, she may not be the best friend you thought she was.
She embarrasses you in front of important people.
Your best friend has more dirt on you than anyone else. She was likely there for all your embarrassing moments, your partner in crime when you made all your bad decisions and the first person you called when you did something questionable. But a best friend is supposed to be a keeper of secrets. Whether it’s your crush, your boss or your entire family, when your best friend uses this information to embarrass you in front of someone important, she’s probably not a keeper.
You have nothing to talk about.
If a night in with your friend feels like an awkward first date with a guy you met online, it may be time to realize that you’re hanging out with your ‘bestie-no-more’.
She’s jealous of your happiness.
There’s nothing worse than a friend who tries to sabotage your happiness. Nothing gets your spirits down quicker than when your best friend puts down your accomplishments, talks negatively about the new guy you’re excited about or makes you feel like the adventurous trip you booked last weekend is no big deal. A best friend should want you to be happy. And when she shows otherwise, it may be time to cut her out of your life.
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