Is My Boyfriend Cheating? 10 Reasons You May Be Feeling Suspicious

Your boyfriend keeps telling you that he’s a one-woman man, but you just can’t seem to stop suspecting him of being unfaithful. This could be a problem with him because he might be doing dodgy things that warrant your feelings. Or, it could be that you have some trust issues that you should work on ASAP. To help you clear up the confusion, here’s how to figure out what’s going on. Here are 10 reasons why you keep wondering, Is my boyfriend cheating on me? and why you feel like you need to keep a closer eye on him.

  1. He’s too busy. This is the classic sign that he could be up to no good when he leaves you. If he’s always “super busy” that he can’t see you, call you, or take your relationship to a higher level of closeness, then you have every right to be suspicious, especially if he never used to have such a hectic schedule before. It’s the sudden change in his lifestyle that’s setting off warning bells, so pay attention to any other signs that something’s up with him to confirm your suspicions.
  2. He’s making you insecure. If your boyfriend is giving you mixed messages about where your relationship is headed or what he wants, then no wonder you’re feeling suspicious of him or doubting if he really likes you. This doesn’t mean that he’s necessarily cheating, though. It could mean various other things, like that he doesn’t know how to deal with relationships or he’s confused about what he wants.
  3. He’s unclear about the future. If you try to talk to him about the future or make future plans that include him but he’s not as enthusiastic about your future together as you are, that can make you feel anxious. Does he have someone on the side and that’s why he’s not focusing on you? Or, is the problem that he’s just not clear about what he wants from your relationship in the long run? It could be, but the fact is that he’s not invested in your future. Period. That’s the real problem here so guard your heart.
  4. He has a close female friend. You’re totally cool with your boyfriend having female friends, but there’s one specific friend that you just don’t feel cool about. Maybe she’s just too close to him or always posting comments on his sexy Facebook pics or whatever. It can make you worry that he might cheat with her because they get on so well. If this is the case, you should talk to your boyfriend about his friendship and he should reassure you that nothing’s going on. He should also set friendship boundaries with her to respect your relationship.
  5. He has a shady past. Maybe you’re worried that he’s going to cheat on you because he has a history of cheating on his previous partners. Hmmm. On the one hand, you might fear history will repeat itself, but on the other hand, your boyfriend might have learned from what happened and what he did. Basically, you shouldn’t worry if he’s open and honest about what he did and how he’s grown since then. That should put your heart at ease.
  6. He’s triggering past trauma. You might find that being in a new relationship with someone could be triggering feelings of the past, like when your ex cheated on you and how much it broke you. It’s easy to fall into the toxic thought pattern that if someone cheated on you before it’s going to happen again. But it doesn’t have to, because this person isn’t your ex. You could benefit from chatting to a psychologist so you can work through your previous heartache and trust issues.
  7. He doesn’t show you he loves you. He might say that he loves you, but does he show it? If there’s a disconnect between what he’s saying and what he’s doing that could be the reason why you’re feeling like you can’t trust him. He might not be seeing someone else behind your back, but maybe he’s a liar. Whatever the case, you have to talk to him about your fears and concerns. If he’s right for you, he’ll acknowledge and care about your feelings.
  8. He’s not fulfilling your needs. Maybe you need to have one-on-one time with him at last once or twice a week during which you’re not around others, or you need daily contact in the form of texts. Whatever it is you need, it’s important to talk about it with your partner otherwise it can build up feelings of anxiety and could even cause you to think that since he’s not meeting your needs, he’s not feeling the relationship – but that might not be the case at all. You might just have different needs and meeting each other halfway is in order.
  9. He’s your entire world. This one’s on you, ladies. If you’re making him the most important part of your life, to the point where you’re cutting out other loved ones or ignoring your dreams, then you’re putting a lot of expectations on him. He has to make you happy, he has to jump through hoops to satisfy you, and so on. You’re also filled with fear that he’ll break up with you and leave you with nothing because he’s your everything. Ugh. Fill your life with things and people that make you feel fulfilled, so you know that you’ll be fine if he had to leave you. This will also help you to enjoy the relationship.
  10. He’s holding back. If he never tells you how he feels and what he wants, or he never wants to talk about his previous relationships, you might feel like he’s becoming emotionally distant. This is a possible sign that he’s cheating because all his emotion and self-expression could be going to some other woman, but it could also be a sign that he’s afraid of commitment, lacks confidence, or something else. Try to open up to him and see if he does the same in return so you can start building a bond. If he keeps shutting you out, then it actually doesn’t matter if he’s cheating or not – you deserve so much better.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.