Is That Guy You Like In A Relationship? 10 Ways To Find Out Without Asking Him

You want to save time in dating. You don’t want to wind up in the nightmare situation of starting to get excited about someone only to later discover that he’s already in a relationship, so you need to keep your eyes and ears peeled for signs that he’s already taken and just leading you on. Here’s how to find out without actually coming out and asking him.

  1. He has date slots with you. When you suggest going for dinner on the weekend, he has an excuse. However, he’s always down for a weeknight date. If it feels like he can only see you on specific days or at specific times and every other slot is off-limits, the guy could already have someone else.
  2. He leaps out of the room when his phone rings. Hey, we all want phone privacy sometimes, even if it’s just our mom who’s calling to say hi. But if the guy always runs out of the room whenever his ringtone starts to play, this is a bad sign he’s hiding someone and it could be a girlfriend waiting for him back home.
  3. He looks shady when he’s on the phone. Say he rushes out of a restaurant to take a call and then you see him looking back at you while he’s taking that call. Does he look uncomfortable or even suspicious? This could be because he’s afraid you — or his GF — is going to bust him.
  4. His apartment is off-limits. If he always has an excuse ready for when you suggest visiting him at his place, that probably means something is up. He’s clearly trying to prevent you from gaining access to all of his life, only reserving some bits for you.
  5. He always mentions a specific “friend.” It’s cool for guys to have other women in his life, but your spidey senses might be awakened if he’s always mentioning one specific friend. He might actually be in a more-than-friends setup with her. She might even be his girlfriend, not his platonic bestie. If she was, would he always be talking about her?
  6. He’s a “we’ll see” kind of guy. When you suggest going to the movies on the fly, he can never just go for it and accept the spontaneous date. Then, when you suggest meeting up within the next few days, he always dishes you the “we’ll see” excuse. Clearly he has to be sure his main plans don’t fall through before he can go out with you. Ugh.
  7. He’s unavailable for hours. Okay, so he doesn’t need to have his phone strapped to him at all times of the day, but it is weird if he can talk to you loads for a few hours on some days but then at other times (like on the weekends), he’s completely AWOL. Even more telling is if his phone is switched off sometimes. He might be using a second phone to talk to you so that his partner won’t find out.
  8. He likes far-out dates. Ah, the classic “I’ll take you on a date to a restaurant across town where no one knows me” scenario. It might be a cliche for a guy in a serious relationship with another woman to do, but it really happens. He might make the dates seem more romantic by saying that he wants no distractions when he’s with you or he wants you all to himself. Don’t fall for it.
  9. He keeps dates super-short. At first you might’ve thought he was keeping dates really short because he was trying to maintain momentum. However, now you guys have gone on several dates and he still can’t seem to stay with you for longer than two or three hours, even when he’s at your place? Nah-uh.
  10. He’s a conversation concrete wall. Although he likes to talk to you about his work and friends, he’s quite private about his relationship history and totally changes the subject when you ask how long he’s been single. Hmmm. The guy’s clearly not being totally open to a new relationship. He keeps throwing you concrete walls when you want him to open up and let you in.
  11. He’s always busy. He’s a workaholic? Oh, shame. He tries so hard to pay the rent and work his way up at the office. Look, if he’s so busy he can’t seem to stay with you for longer than an hour on a Sunday or he’s got to leave the house at the crack of dawn, the guy’s probably working on some other woman he’s dating.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.