Is Toxic Positivity Ruining Your Relationship?

Living the “good vibes only” lifestyle may be making your love life a misery. Toxic positivity is contributing to the breakdown of a lot of relationships without couples even realizing it. According to Psychology Today, toxic positivity is the belief in focusing only on positive things and rejecting anything that may trigger negative emotions. Having a positive mindset is vital for gaining mental strength to get through hard times, but when does it become too much of a good thing?

  1. Denying emotions creates a bigger problem. Sweeping negative emotions under the rug is a sign of toxic positivity. Pretending that everything is okay in a relationship when it’s evidently falling apart will just create a problem that is unsalvagable. Whether your emotions are good or bad, they’re valid and need to be heard. If you don’t let your partner have a rant, the relationship can turn into bitterness. Allowing negative emotions and difficult conversations to occur in your relationship is actually a good thing. This is because it’s an opportunity to resolve things instead of pretending there are no issues.
  2. Toxic positivity prevents authentic human connection. Giving positive encouragement to uplift your partner can be considered lip service, especially if you are not willing to go through the rough times alongside your partner. Only having a positive outlook on things can be harmful to your relationship. Without compassion in your actions, there will be a disconnect between the two of you. It’s okay to give positive encouragement, but at the right time. To keep it from sounding disingenuous, your partner needs to see that you’re willing to be their emotional support.
  3. Too much positivity can alienate people. When people are facing difficult times in their life, being bombarded with a bunch of inspirational quotes is not helpful. Thinking positively is not going to heal their pain and too much optimism can send your partner running away. It may come across as like you’re not emphasizing with them when sometimes all your partner wants is for you to validate their emotions.
  4. Your partner will be less inclined to share the feelings with you. “Always look on the bright side of life,” they say. While it may be comforting to find a silver lining during difficult times, when your partner is having a tough time, it’s not necessarily something they want to hear. Do you have a friend that you never want to share your good news with because they are always so negative and not helpful? Well, some people don’t want to share bad news with people that are always so positive for the same reason.
  5. Positive thinking can leave you feeling disappointed. Life happens and sometimes you don’t have full control over it. When things don’t go your way, you may end up blaming yourself or your partner. There can be tension in your relationship when you have high expectations of your partner. Having expectations that are not met can leave you questioning the future of your relationship.
  6. Nothing will get resolved with just a positive mindset. To resolve problems in your relationship, you need to get to the root of the problem. When you’re resolving issues with your partner, it’s easy to neglect the root of the problem. A positive mindset is not going to solve issues between two people. It can solve your own concerns but not someone else’s. Be open to accept there are flaws in your relationship and know that it can be a difficult journey to fix those flaws.
  7. Excessive optimism can make people feel ashamed. Although it’s with good intention to uplift people’s spirits with positive vibes, sometimes it can be hurtful. Excessive optimism includes comments like, “You’ve got so much to be happy about – why are you sad?” Comments like that are dismissive of your partner’s emotions. It can make them feel ashamed and guilty for having negative emotions.
  8. Rushing to save the day will only make it worse. It’s healthy to sit with your feelings. Acknowledging that your feelings exist is important. Rushing to feel good again can have long-term negative effects. To have a healthy relationship you need to be honest with yourself first. It’s easier not to feel any negative emotions but it will manifest into you being distant if you don’t acknowledge your pain.
  9. Life is not always meant to be perfect. Of course, you don’t want to be surrounded by negativity and you shouldn’t have to. Strive for a relationship that has balance. Balance in a relationship is healthy whereas perfection is toxic. Perfection is probably stressful for you and your partner to achieve. So don’t sugarcoat the bad things in life and remember to celebrate the good things in life.
Gemma is a travelling holistic chef that loves to spend her time between France and the UK. She has a special interest writing about dating and wellness. In her spare time you'll find her glued to a book or exploring beautiful cities around the world.