When you get past the honeymoon stage, it takes time and effort to maintain a relationship. Oftentimes, however, there comes a point where it doesn’t feel worth the effort anymore, and that’s when you know it’s time to throw in the towel. There’s no shame in admitting that a relationship has run its course or requires more effort than you’re putting in, but how do you know when things deserve one more try? The answer to these questions will help you decide if your relationship is worth fixing.
What do you get out of the relationship?
Relationships are about give and take. If you’re putting in the effort to fix the relationship, then you should be getting some sort of satisfaction out of it. But if your significant other is driving you crazy and leaving you unhappy the majority of the time, then it may no longer be a mutually beneficial relationship.
Do you miss him when you’re apart?
If you don’t miss each other when you’re not together, then the relationship may have run its course. If you go days without talking and it doesn’t bother you, then your attraction to your partner may have wavered through all the ups and downs.
Do your values align?
It may seem unnecessary to talk about big-picture things, like how many children you want and where you want to live. But if you’re wondering whether a relationship is worth your time, you need to consider whether it’ll work in the long run. If you two butt heads about important subjects like finances, religion, or even marriage, the compatibility factor may not be there.
Can you forgive him for the past?
Many times when a relationship is “broken,” it’s because one partner did something to betray the other. Maybe he lied or stepped out on you, or perhaps he’s said too many things in the heat of the moment. If you’re struggling to forgive and forget, you’ll have trouble moving on in the future. Conversely, if you can tell he hasn’t forgotten the past, then he may still be holding a grudge.
What do others say about the relationship?
While it’s important not to let other people’s opinions influence your decision, your loved ones can provide a perspective on your relationship that you can’t see. Considering what others have said about your relationship – both the good and bad – can help you evaluate things from a neutral standpoint. This puts you in a better position to evaluate whether it’s worth another try or not.
Do you actually like spending time together?
This may sound simple enough, but if you’ve been forcing the relationship to work, you may be ignoring the simple fact that you don’t enjoy your time together anymore. If you feel suffocated by your significant other or like you can’t be yourself, staying together may be doing more harm than good.
Are you satisfied in bed?
As time takes a toll on a relationship, it’s normal for couples to not feel as turned on by each other as they did in the past. It’s completely possible to work on the sexual aspect of a relationship, but if this is coupled with other substantial problems, this may be one more reason to throw in the towel.
Does he respect you (and vice versa)?
Respect is foundational to any relationship. Amongst many things, it has a huge bearing on the efficiency of your communication. If your partner has lost respect for you, or it was never there to begin with, you’ll have a hard time sorting through your problems. Call them out on it and if they don’t work on fixing the lack of respect, then remember that you deserve better in a relationship.
Do you actually trust each other?
Similar to respect, trust is another crucial element in any relationship. Maybe he did something to lose your trust, or vice versa, which has put you two the rocks. It’s possible to rebuild trust, but only if the two of you are both working on it. If you can sense he’s not committed or you’ve lost motivation, then the end of the relationship may be near.
How is this impacting your mental health?
Your physical and mental health is the utmost priority. After all, no one can prioritize your mental health but you. If you feel drained, exhausted or defeated by the relationship, it’s not a good sign. If he makes you feel undesirable or worthless, then that’s bordering on abusive. It may hurt at first but breaking free from a toxic relationship will put you in a better headspace eventually.
Are you on the same page about the relationship?
Consider your overall goals. Have they ever aligned? If the answer is no, and you haven’t been able to work through it in the time you’ve been together, you may not be right for each other. Staying in a relationship in which you don’t share the same future goals will only lead to heartbreak later down the line.
Do you see a future with this person?
You’ll need to search deep within yourself to answer this question. Do you see yourself raising kids with this person? Do you see him getting on with your family on holidays? Do you see yourself growing old with him? If the future is murky, and you struggle to see a clear future with your significant other, then know that your time may be better spent elsewhere.
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