Is Your Phone Ruining Your Relationship? 10 Questions To Ask Yourself

There’s no sense in denying it—we’re all a little too focused on what’s on our screen instead of what’s happening in person. In fact, phones can very easily ruin a relationship if you’re not careful. Here are a few things you may want to ask yourself to make sure your relationship with both your phone and your partner are healthy.

  1. Have I missed any important conversations recently? There isn’t a more dreadful sentence than, “Remember we talked about this?” It insinuates that you didn’t pay attention. To be fair, maybe you didn’t. Some of us are capable of focusing on multiple things at once. Others get so engrossed in Instagram that everything else is background noise. If you’ve been accused of not being all that present, your phone is definitely causing a lot of damage to your relationship.
  2. Do I know more about my acquaintances than my own boyfriend? When you’re knee-deep in social media, you can easily keep up to date with the people you’ve fallen out of contact with. This is a good thing… until you realize you’re more engrossed in their drama than the people you’ve actually invested quality time with. Social media shouldn’t be a replacement for a teen drama. Your partner might resent you if you’re not giving him the attention he deserves.
  3. Have I spent a ton of cash on gaming? Spending money on apps is one of the worst mistakes you can make, especially if you’re already struggling a bit financially. It’s one thing to buy an app that may enrich your life. It’s another to buy in-game currency. Not only is it worthless, but it proves you’re spending way too much time on your phone. Consider saving that money for a nice date with your boyfriend. He’ll feel appreciative, especially if you’re not really doing your financial fair share.
  4. Am I considering a dating app? It’s not that you’re unhappy, you’re just curious. And since you’re on your phone anyway, you might as well peruse some hot guys, right? This is a huge mistake as it’s one step away from being unfaithful. Even if the conversations you’re having with others seem harmless, your boyfriend would feel betrayed if he found out. Reconsider your happiness altogether if you’re attracted to the idea dating apps and would rather spend time swiping left and right on your phone than spending time texting your actual boyfriend.
  5. Is my phone is always out on the table when out to eat? When it’s not on the table, is it in your hands? If you’re expecting a very important call from work or have kids at home that are with the babysitter, it makes sense as to why you’d be anxious about a call. If not, you’re just being rude on the date, signaling to your boyfriend that you’re prioritizing other people over him.
  6. Have nights out been ruined since I left my phone at home? It’s awful to realize your phone was accidentally left at home to charge but remember, people lived without these things for thousands of years. If you can’t get over the initial shock and are more concerned over the notifications you’re missing than the night ahead, your phone is becoming problematic.
  7. Have I missed events since I was too busy texting? It’s easy to get wrapped up in a big text conversation, but when they force you to be late to big events like your boyfriend’s graduation, his sister’s wedding, or his family’s holiday party, you have a problem that needs to be fixed. Keep in mind, your boyfriend may be making excuses to his family about why you’re always flaking out. Try to distance yourself from your phone a little bit for him.
  8. Have I used my phone as a crutch when meeting his family? Meeting the family is huge. If you’ve reached this step in your relationship, you know he thinks you’re something special. But as huge as it is, it can also be really difficult. If you find yourself digging deep into Reddit forums online instead of making small talk with his cousin, it can come off as being rude. There’s a time for everything. If this guy is someone you see long-term potential with, consider storing your phone in the glove compartment of your car while making an effort to make a good first impression.
  9. Have I cut out other activities? If you used to be more active until your phone came along, you may want to try getting rid of it for the health of your relationship and yourself. It’s so easy for time to just pass by when you’re active on your phone. Consider rejoining an activity you used to love a few decades before technology took over and invite your boyfriend along to further strengthen your bond.
  10. Has my boyfriend told me it’s a problem? This, of course, is the most obvious sign. Your boyfriend might be feeling neglected these days. If he can try to start an honest conversation with you about your phone usage, you owe it to listen to him. He won’t bring it up just to stir up drama. He just wants to spend more time with you.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.