Is Your Relationship In A Rut Or Totally Dead?

Relationships can go one of two ways: they end up as a happily ever after, or they just end, period. When you get to that inevitable fork in the road where you have to decide if you’re just in a rut and need to switch things up a bit or end the relationship altogether, it can be hard to tell the difference — but asking yourself these questions should make it easier:

  1. Is the sex still hot? If you’re still meant to be together, you might not have sex all that often, but when you do, it’s still hot as hell and probably the best you’ve ever had. When the heat is gone, chances are the goal of everlasting love is gone, too.
  2. Are you still arguing? When you and your partner stop fighting altogether, it means you don’t even think it’s worth it anymore and you’re likely on a slow decline to splitsville. Fighting all the time isn’t a good sign, either, but if you can’t even be bothered to voice your opinions, it’s even worse.
  3. What are your typical conversations like? If you can’t seem to hold a conversation or even give a crap about what the other person is saying, it’s a good indication that you’ve lost interest. It’s normal that the all-night chat sessions die down, but when everything your partner says bores you to death, it’s not likely they’ll be able to peak your interest ever again.
  4. Are his quirks starting to repulse you? It’s one thing to be annoyed about all the things you used to find endearing, but it’s quite another to be repulsed by your partner. A life-long union will have its share of ups and downs, but when you feel queasy when they clip their nails in bed or you get a whiff of their post-workout B.O., you’re probably not in it for the long haul.
  5. Would you rather be anywhere else? When you’re in a rough patch, you’re naturally drawn to more alone time because being together is a bit boring. However, if you’d literally rather be anywhere else than with your boyfriend, you probably should be.
  6. Do you like your partner? Sure, you love your partner, but when the relationship is headed to the dead zone, you can’t stand him as a person. If you were in a rut you would still like them, not just love them.
  7. How do you picture your future? When you’re in a rut, you’ll generally still consider your future together as positive and know that things will get back on track again soon. When the relationship is dead, however, just the thought of a future together can cause you to feel suffocated and terrified.
  8. Has your eye been wandering? When you’re feeling a bit bored, you’ll tend to fantasize more than when things are hot and heavy, and it’s only natural. However, if every guy you see is more attractive than your partner and you can’t stop thinking about what it’d be like to be with them instead, there’s a serious problem.
  9. How do you feel about happy couples? When you see yet another engagement announcement, your first instinct is to throw your computer across the room. When you’re in a rut, you can still imagine fixing the relationship and making it to that point but when you’re on your way to a breakup, happy couples just piss you off.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.