This Isn’t My “Bitch Shield,” Dude—I’m Just Not Interested

Guys speak of the “bitch shield”—that invisible wall women supposedly put up when men try to pursue us. Some guys see it as defensive or rude behavior but whenever I’ve been accused of it, it was just because I was tired AF of dealing with a guy who wouldn’t get the hint that I wasn’t interested in him. Here’s what guys need to know about my “bitch shield”:

  1. I’m not playing hard to get. Seriously, when I tell a guy that I’m not interested in a gentle way, like by saying I’m not looking for a relationship, it’s really annoying when he keeps trying to change my mind. It’s like he thinks that if he pushes hard enough, he’ll break the barrier. Dude, there is no barrier to break! I’m freezing you out because I don’t want to date you.
  2. I’m not giving out romantic signals. I remember once being at a party and a guy was hitting on me. I really wasn’t interested in this arrogant loser so I played it cool and polite, but I tried to get away from him by chatting to friends or other guys. He didn’t give up. He went to my friend and said I was giving him signals of interest in him so he was going to wait in the wings. WTF? I was being nice, dude.
  3. I’m not a bitch. That guy kept ruining my night with his unwanted advances until I was fed up. I told him I wasn’t interested in him and I’d really appreciate it if he could stop trying to get in the way of my night out with friends. He said he’d thought I was being a bitch. Oh hell no. It’s funny how the minute I try to stand up for myself, I’m the problem. It was BS!
  4. Yes, I really do have a boyfriend. One of the excuses I love to use when I’m not interested in a guy is that I’ve got a boyfriend… because it’s the truth. But sometimes that doesn’t put these guys off. They still think that there’s a chance. Once, my boyfriend went to the bathroom when I got approached by a guy who started hitting on me. I told him I was with my boyfriend. He didn’t believe me! He really thought I’d just made it up to diss him. What an arrogant douchebag. Only when he saw my boyfriend with me did he back away.
  5. It’s not a challenge. I can sniff a guy who’s after the chase from a mile away. He comes over, asks if I’d like a drink or to dance, and then when I try to show him that I’m not interested, he seems to get even more intrigued. He thinks that he’s on a major challenge here to break down my “bitch shield.” Guys like this need to get over themselves.
  6. I’m getting pissed off. I’m sorry, but if I give a guy clear signs that I’m not feeling it, he should go speak to someone else instead of wasting his time with me. If he still doesn’t get the hint, I’m going to get pissed off. Why should women always have to be the polite, kind people? Why don’t these guys who don’t get the hint try to have some respect for a change?
  7. No means no! One of the problems in dating is that many people play games. I get that it can cause problems, with some guys thinking women are just playing hard to get. This makes them think they can overcome any and every woman’s rejection. But come on, not all women are playing games. Besides, even if a woman is playing a game, if she says no, she means it. It’s not an invitation to try harder.
  8. Neg me at your own risk. One guy who approached me at a club told me that I had a pretty dress but my hair could do with a brush. That rubbed me the wrong way, not because I got insulted but because I couldn’t believe a guy thinks negging a woman will work to “break down” her defenses. Do guys really think that making a woman feel shit is going to get them a date with them? So pathetic! I told him to GTFO. He wanted my “bitch shield” and now he deserves it.
  9. I’m not trying to make guys feel worthless. I hate it when guys neg women or approach them even when she’s said she’s not interested and then turn the tables on her by claiming she’s making them feel worthless. WTF? I’m not doing that. I just give what I get. If a guy’s a jerk to me, then yes, he can expect my “bitch shield” to come out and put him in his place. He deserves it. Generally, if I reject a guy, it’s nothing personal, so why should he turn it into something ugly by trying to make me feel like a bad person? That’s really childish. Wear your rejection like a man.
  10. I don’t fall for the lame games. Sometimes guys will turn the situation around and act like they really like my defensiveness. One guy could see I wasn’t interested—I wasn’t smiling much and I told him I didn’t want to go on a date with him—and he said, “Oh I love your attitude! It’s sexy as hell.” My what? Do guys really think women are being bitchy just to impress them? This is so laughable!
  11. I’m not turning this into a power struggle. I hate how the simple act of hitting on someone has been turned into a power struggle. Some guys come up with all these plans to try to break down a woman’s walls like they’re in a competition to see who’s the bigger, better man. Nope. Honestly, the better man is the one who can take “no” for an answer and leave a woman in peace!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.