Your Issues Are YOURS — It’s Up To You To Deal With Them Before Getting Into A Relationship

If you’re entering a relationship carrying enough issues to weigh you down, you’re looking for trouble. Here’s why you need to stop trying to make your relationships solve your problems and sort them out yourself —BEFORE you get a boyfriend.

1. You can’t make your problems someone else’s. It’s unfair to put all your problems on someone else, especially your romantic partner. He has his own problems to deal with and he wants a partner who’s got her shit together. He doesn’t want to feel like he has to be your psychologist in addition to your boyfriend. That’s not his job.
2. You can screw things up big time. If you’re running into a new relationship with loads of emotional issues, you’re going to risk destroying the relationship. I mean, imagine this scenario: you’re insecure and fear getting hurt. Instead of dealing with that issue, you bring it into your relationship. It makes you paranoid and suspicious of everything your partner does, eventually pushing him away. Not a good look.
3. You end up wanting someone to “fix” you. You might look to your partner as a knight in shining armor who’s going to rescue you from all your misery, but that’s bullshit. No one can save you from your issues and problems — except for you. Be your own savior and sort yourself out. It will make you a better partner and person in general.
4. Relationships aren’t a distraction. You might be such an amazing, supportive and kind partner because you’re throwing all your energy into a relationship… while totally ignoring your own issues. The result? The relationship becomes a distraction from what you need to fix about yourself. Sooner or later, your issues will crash into your relationship and blow it up. They can’t hide forever.
5. You can’t be in a healthy relationship if you bring baggage into it. Those issues you’re carrying will affect you and your partner if you don’t sort them out. Your relationship will be unhealthy and cause you both stress instead of uplifting you, which is what a relationship should do for both partners. Deal with your issues so you can find a relationship that makes you happy instead of turning things toxic.
6. You’ll miss out on a great opportunity. If you’re pushing your issues onto your partner, you risk getting dumped. Even the most supportive, doting partner will reach the end of his patience eventually if you’re bringing drama to the table. That’s not to say you should hide your issues, but be ready to work on them. Commit to healing them before you commit to a partner so that when a great love comes along, you can embrace it.
7. You get caught in a spin cycle. When you have unresolved issues, you become a wrecking ball that destroys one relationship after another. For instance, if you have daddy issues and bring these to your relationships, they can make you get caught in the wrong relationship patterns that keep repeating themselves. It turns into a self-destructing situation.
8. Your issues can multiply. One issue you’re dealing with can end up causing others. For example, if you suffer from trust issues, you could start to create problems in your relationship that weren’t even there to begin with, such as if you suspect your partner of cheating. Likewise, if you have drug issues, you could end up causing issues like fighting with your partner, dishonesty and trust issues. Yikes. Nip them in the bud before they wreak havoc on your life.
9. You have to take responsibility for your own life. You can blame your past experiences for why you have issues, but you also need to realize that they don’t have to define you. You have to take responsibility for them, otherwise, you’ll either expect others to continue to hurt you (and end up attracting such toxic people), or you’ll blame everyone else for things which will leave you bitter AF.
10. You have to be complete before you find your special someone. It’s a myth that your partner will complete you. If you’ve got issues and are hoping to find someone who will heal you with love, you’re going to end up hugely disappointed. The only way a relationship can work is if both parties are complete within themselves and deal with their problems. If you’re broken and hoping for someone to fill up your emptiness, you’ll only end up emptier. Besides, it’s not fair to put such a huge expectation on someone else.
11. You ultimately attract what you are. If you’re always attracting the wrong kinds of men or relationships, take a look at yourself to see what message you’re sending out. It could be that your issues are attracting men with similar problems, which causes a lot of problems and can leave you unhappy AF. Work on yourself, grow, and be happy within yourself. Only then will you find the same out there.