It Wasn’t Loneliness That Killed Me As A Single Woman, It Was These 12 Things

Does being single necessarily mean being lonely? I sure as hell wasn’t, at least not most of the time. However, these 12 things were what I did struggle to deal with when I wasn’t in a relationship.

  1. Not having someone to talk to I could talk to my friends, sure, but it wasn’t the same thing as confiding in a loving, supportive life partner. The intimacy is so different and I did miss having that during the time I was single. This was especially the case when I got great news, such as a promotion at work. I wanted to share the excitement with someone else, someone who was by my side and had seen me go through a lot to reach that achievement.
  2. Wondering what people thought of me One of the worst things was dealing with people asking why I was alone, as if there was something wrong with me. It drove me nuts. I knew it was archaic for people to have such views about being single, but it still pissed me off.
  3. Having to defend why I was on my own Attending functions where I was the only single woman shouldn’t have been a big deal. The problem is that I was so used to having to explain my single status as though it were a disease that I always felt on guard and defensive about why I was on my own.
  4. Losing friends When close friends got into romantic relationships, many of them moved on and forgot all about me (unless they needed me). It was sad how relationship statuses could pull people into such different directions.
  5. Not being anyone’s first or last call You know the person you call first thing in the morning or first thing before bed? Being single was hard at times because I knew I wasn’t that person for anyone in the entire world. I doubt I was even on anyone’s speed-dial.
  6. Being set up I hated it when friends tried to set me up. All I could think of while they were talking about how amazing some or other guy in their office was and why he’d be perfect for me was, “Woah, you also think I need fixing.” That’s what hurt the most, especially because being single was actually great most of the time. Pity that so many people who set up their friends don’t see that.
  7. Being set up without my knowledge This takes the previous point one step further. Not only did I have friends who loved setting me up as though I was some kind of desperate case (ugh), but I also had friends who’d invite me out with them and invite some other guy too but not tell me that we were being set up. Talk about an insult.
  8. Being the third wheel Even when I was with the best friends ever, sometimes I still felt like a third wheel simply because I was the only single one in the room. So, when they had their inside jokes or they argued, I’d be sitting there feeling like a child. It was horrible and in those moments I did think to myself, “Damn, it would’ve been great to have someone to chat to right now.”
  9. Dealing with people making assumptions One of my relationshipper friends used to say, “Oh but you’re so lucky you’re single.” I knew she was right about that, but then she’d say, “You can go out there and have sex with anyone and everyone.” Um, no. It’s like she just assumed that I’d be raring to go with anyone simply because I was single. For me, that’s never been something I can do. I need a strong emotional connection before taking things to the physical level, but the assumption was that if I wasn’t having loads of sex every day I wasn’t doing justice to my single status.
  10. Too much “me time” When you’re in a relationship, you can really enjoy “me time” by doing whatever you love that you never have time to do when you’re busy with couple activities. When you’re single, you have lots of “me time” that it loses its appeal at times. But people don’t get it. They’re envious of all that time alone when the truth is, everyone gets bored after a while or wants to do something with other people.
  11. Creepy sounds in the middle of the night OK, so maybe I’m alone on this one, but hearing weird sounds in the middle of the night that caused my dog to start growling would freak the living crap out of me when I was single. In those moments, I really envied how married people could just wake up their partners and know that if there was a ghost/burglar in the house they didn’t have to face the drama on their own.
  12. Feeling awkward about dating After being single for years, when I met someone new I’d feel so awkward about dating and consumed with fear about what the guy would think of me and if I knew what I was doing. It was ridiculous because I hadn’t felt that before being single for so long. Feeling like an idiot in the dating game? Now that’s something that can suck about being single.
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.