“It’s Not You, It’s Me” Might Actually Be True Sometimes

How many people use this breakup line and truly mean it? Most of the time, we say it to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings and saying what’s really wrong with them, but what about the times when you know it’s you and this is the only line that fits and won’t make you a liar? It happens more often than any one of us would probably like to admit.

  1. You’re not mature enough for a relationship, That’s right – you could be too immature. Your parents can cater to you when you have a tantrum, but your partner could just walk straight out the door. A real relationship takes a lot of work, and you need to act like an adult. If you’re used to having everything handed over to you, crying or complaining until you get what you want, and always looking for an easy way out, you might not be mature enough.
  2. You’re too selfish, Relationships are give and take; you make sacrifices for one another and you do things you might not always want to do, like go to a [insert sport you hate] game. If you’re too focused on yourself and unwilling to make these sacrifices, you’re going to have a problem. You and your partner won’t share every common interest, so if he loves Star Wars memorabilia and you absolutely refuse to be in the same room as a Wookie action figure, fights will be imminent.
  3. You’re afraid of commitment and what it entails. This fear has become somewhat of a cliché, but it actually still has some merit. Committing to a long-term relationship means settling down with one person, quite possibly for the rest of your life. If you’re a party girl who loves drinking, dancing and flirting, it could be hard to imagine being with one man forever. It would also mean a change in lifestyle, since not every guy would be comfortable with his girl going out all the time. If you think you couldn’t give it up, you also might not be ready for a serious relationship.
  4. You have dreams for the future and are afraid of being held back. This would prevent you from ever wanting to get too close to someone because you’re pretty sure you won’t be able to take them with you. What if you’re looking to become a marine biologist and will be sailing across the seas for months on end? Or if you’re interested in joining the Peace Corps to volunteer around the world? Long-distance relationships are possible, but they’re hard to maintain, so if you have huge plans for the future, you might not want to commit.
  5. You’re afraid of being vulnerable. Staying in a relationship long-term means you’ll be spending a ton of time with another person, and they’ll be getting to know you pretty well. If you’re used to putting up an act when you’re around others, you know you won’t be able to do it forever. If you allow them to, your partner is going to get to know the real you, and that means they’ll see you when you laugh, cry, when you’re angry, hell, even when you fart (because c’mon, it happens to all of us). If you’re too afraid to let yourself be seen, you might not be ready for a serious relationship.
  6. You have a negative influence on him. Let’s say you met the perfect guy. He’s charming, smart, funny, every other adjective that means the same as these, etc. But the problem is, he’s too good. And you? You’re a mess and you don’t give a damn. You constantly lose things, waste money, party too much. And he starts learning these bad habits from you. Worse, he starts making terrible decisions, like not finishing school or blowing off an interview for a job. At this point, you have to let him go. You’re essentially pulling him down with you through the spiral to Hell, and that’s just messed up.
  7. You’re not compatible. In this case, it’s no one’s fault, but you can still use the “it’s not you, it’s me” line. Maybe you’re both normal people, but you just have different interests, and you’re not clicking. You even stopped clicking in bed. Before you waste any more of each other’s time, feel free to use this line and even partially mean in.
Chelsey is a freelance writer in NYC. She's pretty normal by today's standards, or at least that's what her mother tells her.