I’ve Been Alone For So Long, People See Me As “The Single Girl” And It Sucks

I’ve Been Alone For So Long, People See Me As “The Single Girl” And It Sucks iStock/yuricazac

I’m the token single girl in my friend group and I’m starting to get tired of being stuck with this label. Yeah, I’ve been on my own for a while now, but so what? I’m so much more than this stupid label gives me credit for.

  1. I’ve been the single girl since high school. This is nothing new. I’ve been single since the minute my friends started dating. I just wasn’t down for being attached to dudes at the same time everyone else was and I actually stayed single throughout high school. Now that it’s eight years later, I still feel like that inexperienced teen who doesn’t have a date to prom. I just can’t seem to escape it.
  2. I feel stuck in this persona. I’ve carved out a niche for myself, you could say. Everyone just assumes that I’m going to show up to the party alone and no one ever asks if I’m dating anyone anymore. Since I’m not really thinking about dating on a regular basis, I’m kinda stuck in this single life. I barely even notice any opportunities to change my circumstance because I’m just not in that frame of mind.
  3. It’s not the most flattering label. I know that people mean well when they joke about me being perpetually single. It’s kinda cute and they think it’s hilarious, so I laugh along to get through the awkwardness but I’m also thinking, like, “Don’t put me in a box!” Being the single girl is pretty exciting at first but after a while, it gets kinda depressing and not at all funny.
  4. People don’t even bother setting me up anymore. Back in the day, everyone was setting me up left, right, and center. It was cool and super exciting at first, but when these setups never turned into something, people just gave up and thus have dubbed me “the eternally single girl.” Just cause I’ve been single for a dog’s age doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate getting set up!
  5. No one takes it seriously when they hear that I’m dating someone. When I do end up finding someone I can see myself dating long-term, my friends don’t take it seriously. I can tell they doubt it’ll work out and maybe it’s because I complain all the time about how I can’t find a good guy anywhere. I just wish they took my dating life more seriously. I’m often met with patronizing attitudes, like, “Aw, look at her dating!” It kinda sucks.
  6. I rarely ever get invited to dinner parties or brunch. Not that I’m complaining, but all my coupled up friends get together and do all these “adult activities” and they assume that I wouldn’t want to go. I mean, they’re a little bit right—I wouldn’t want to be the third wheel, but I also don’t wanna be excluded from the get-go just because I’m not in a relationship. Let me be the one to make that decision.
  7. Everyone’s always giving me the same old annoying dating advice. Seriously, if I hear that it’ll happen when I least expect it one more time, I’m going to lose it. I actually just heard my friend say this last night and I was like, really? I don’t need this kind of advice—it’s like people see me as needing help all the time as if I don’t know what I’m doing. I appreciate their intentions but it’s unnecessary and unwelcome.
  8. I don’t relate to the label at my deepest core. Deep down, I know I’m not meant to be alone. I’m meant to be in a relationship and appreciated for who I am. When people call me “the single girl,” I don’t feel like that’s really me. I’m not that person who gets off on being single. I’m not even the cool version of the single girl who’s going out every night and having crazy adventures! I’m like that single girl who’s given up, and I can’t let myself think that way anymore.
  9. It’s really me who’s putting myself in this box. I’m not above admitting that I’m the one who dug myself this hole in the first place. I’m a late bloomer and even though I’ve had some solid relationships, it seems that my default setting is single and I want to break out of it. I don’t like to blame my environment or other people for the way I’m feeling because that’s disempowering. I like to think that if it’s me who got myself into this perpetual single girl situation, I can also be the one who gets myself out of it.
  10. It’s up to me to change this label. I know that change is possible for myself, I just need to take ownership of my situation and DO something drastic to get myself out of it. I love to just sit and mope, but that’s not going to get me anywhere. I need to start doing things that will boost my confidence and get me excited again about dating and maybe even drop the single girl label permanently.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.