I’ve Been Single AF For Years — But It’s Not My Fault

When you’ve been single for a long-ass time with many failed attempts at finding love under your belt, people start to wonder and whisper about what could possibly be wrong with you. The answer, of course, is nothing. I’ve been single for half a decade now and while I know I’m far from perfect, the reason I’m still without love isn’t really down to any flaws or inadequacies of my own — there’s way more to it. Being single AF for years doesn’t mean something is wrong with me, it means I haven’t found the right guy yet.

  1. Newsflash: nobody is perfect. Even the happiest of couples have their issues and there isn’t a single person in a loving relationship that doesn’t have flaws of their own. The difference between myself and someone who’s already in a relationship is that they’ve found someone who accepts them completely for who they are, flaws and all. I just haven’t found my person yet.
  2. I take the lessons from my mistakes seriously. I’ve made some mistakes of my own and I do actually allow myself to learn from them going forward. This means I don’t date the same way that I used to and ironically that means I date a lot less. I’m more selective in how I choose and allow guys who come into my life and I don’t put up with the same BS I’ve been hurt by before.
  3. Online dating is a crap show. There’s an undeniable truth when I say that dating these days is a completely new ballgame. Online dating sites have made love a lot harder to find and with hook-up culture raging at a high frequency, it’s really not uncommon for so many people to remain single for a lot longer these days. It doesn’t mean we’re broken spirits, it just means we’re navigating a more challenging landscape.
  4. I’ve met a few jerks along the way. I’ve been disgraced by a few too many jerks in my journey to find love and even if at times I’ve made some mistakes of my own, I’ve also encountered complete douchebags who have treated me like crap for no apparent reason. It’s all part of the process. Sometimes you need to kiss a few players to land the unicorn.
  5. I know exactly what I want so I don’t settle for anything less. Before assuming I’m single because of my own doing, perhaps consider that I’m still single by my own choosing. If I wanted to be in just any relationship, I could have had that a long time ago but I’m looking for something and someone really special. So far, I haven’t come across him yet. For some of us, love takes a little bit longer.
  6. My love story has a few extra steps in the journey. To me, it’s actually pretty exciting to know that the love story part of my life hasn’t started yet. I’ve learned a ton of both hard and beautiful lessons in the meantime and I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without the struggle that’s behind me. Nothing is wrong with me at all. In fact, I’ve never been better or more prepared to find the love of my life.
  7. I’ve been using my time wisely in the meantime. I’ve proven to myself over the years just how much I’m truly capable of so I know in my core that I’m also going to make one amazing girlfriend to some lucky guy someday. I’ve nailed it in my career and I continue to grow my successes, I’ve learned how to take care of myself in ways I didn’t think I could do on my own, but here I am, slaying all day. Just because I’m single AF doesn’t mean I’m not living an amazing life otherwise or that I’m defective. The exact opposite is true — I’m overqualified.
  8. It’s hard to find love these days. People just don’t meet the way that they used to. It’s as rare to find a unicorn on Tinder as it is to meet someone in the grocery store or in a coffee shop and yes, it’s even harder to meet through mutual friends, especially as you get older and more and more people around you couple up. I’ve been open to each and every platform you can think of to find love and I’ve made several attempts, but the fact remains the same — I just haven’t met him yet.
  9. I’m doing the best that I can. I’m putting my best foot forward and improving upon myself in the ways that I can, but that’s all I can really do in the meantime. The kind of love I’m looking for isn’t something I want to hurry or settle for because I feel like time’s running out. I’m well aware that I’ve been single for a long ass time and I’m also well aware that it seems odd to some people. Trust me, I ask myself the same questions at times.
  10. It’s just not my time yet and that’s okay. I could sit around and wallow in self-pity or continue to field the looks of dismay and judgment I get from outsiders looking in, but I choose not to give a damn and keep living my life instead. Not having a husband or a guy on my arms doesn’t mean something is wrong with me, it just means my love story is still waiting for me to start living it.