I’ve Changed, My Friends Haven’t, And It’s Ruining Our Friendships

We all change a lot, especially in our 20s and early 30s. I know I have. I have a lot of friends I’ve known for many years and I simply don’t feel connected to them anymore. I’ve evolved so much and a lot of them have stayed basically the same. Here’s why it’s creating distance between us:

  1. They’re just like they were 10 years ago. I mean, it’s been 10 years. How can anyone be the same person they were a decade ago? Still, it seems to be the case with a lot of the people I know. I find it a little depressing—I want to be around people who are always trying to grow and improve. It’s boring to stay the same forever.
  2. I’ve moved on and my interests are different now. Yeah, I was cool just hanging out, drinking, and talking crap about work… when I was a young woman. I don’t have time, money or patience for all that now. I know some people do that their whole lives but it’s not for me. I’m so different now than I was even three years ago and I don’t care if that makes my friends uncomfortable.
  3. They still want to party all the time and I’m over it. I hardly even drink anymore. I don’t have time and I don’t find it fun. Honestly, it bores me. That’s not the case with most of my friends, who are perfectly fine hanging out with booze and sitting around all night. I want to DO things. I need interesting adventures and activities in my life.
  4. We never talk about anything meaningful. The biggest reason I’m bored with some of my long-term friendships is that we never seem to discuss anything that means anything. We don’t talk about the deeper issues, the nitty-gritty, the problems going on in our world. We don’t get into the shit that matters.
  5. I’ve gotten too old for surface relationships. I know that time is precious and I don’t want to waste any on superficial connections. There’s just no point. I don’t need a bunch of fake friends to make me feel popular and cool. I want a few very close friends who I know I can be truly myself around and I don’t feel that way with a lot of people.
  6. I get uneasy hanging out with then because I feel I can’t be myself. I have a very tough time being around people when I feel I can’t be my true self. I’m an empath and I’m very sensitive to people who are uncomfortable in their own skin—it makes me feel uncomfortable too. I don’t want to spend time with someone if I feel like I have to put on a facade.
  7. I’ve developed newer friendships that feel more rooted and authentic. Since I’ve changed, I can tell right away who I click with and who I don’t. I have some wonderful friendships I’ve gained in just the last couple years since I became a happier and more positive person. I enjoy their company more than some of my long-time friends now.
  8. They’ve been talking about the same crap forever and I’m bored with it. I don’t want to talk about the same things and the same people that we talked about several years ago. I’m over it. I’ve moved on. I don’t care. Let’s talk about something that matters now, and let’s grow and evolve together. I’m so over the friends who won’t.
  9. They’re not interested in personal growth and development like I am. This isn’t true of all my friends but I’m painfully aware of it when it is the case. I hear the same old complaints and problems over and over again from people who refuse to change their patterns and behavior. It’s getting really old.
  10. They still want to go out and do things that don’t interest me anymore. Like I said, I’ve changed. I know that. I know that I used to like doing things that now couldn’t interest me less. I just hate it when my friends refuse to acknowledge this and then give me crap for being who I am now. It makes me want to cut off all contact.
  11. They aren’t open-minded enough for us to connect now. They don’t want to talk about big ideas, plans and dreams. They don’t want to hear about my life the way it is now—they don’t get it and they find it confusing and/or boring. I would never treat them that way so I’m over it. If we don’t have common interests anymore maybe we should part ways.
  12. They keep making the same mistakes and refuse to hear the truth. Nothing drives me nuts more than people who constantly ask for my advice and then blatantly ignore it while continuing to complain to me about their problems. I can’t take it anymore. Either they need to develop some self-awareness or we need some distance.
  13. I’ve backed away from a lot of people because it just isn’t working for me anymore. I don’t want to be mean or harsh, so I’ve tried to slowly detach from those who I just don’t feel a connection with any longer. It’s not really worth hurting their feelings—I’ve made mistakes I regret with past friends. I hope we can let things go with no resentments.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.