I’ve Decided To Be Celibate For A While — Here’s Why

I’ve Decided To Be Celibate For A While — Here’s Why ©iStock/Tassii

I love sex as much as the next person, but I’ve decided to give it up, at least for now. I don’t know when I’ll have sex again  — I just know it’s time to take myself out of the game for a while. Here’s why:

  1. I’m not meeting any guys I actually like. I’m just at a point where I feel like there’s no point in hanging out with a guy I’m not really interested in. I want real love, not a hook-up, so why waste my time on a guy that I’d never want a real relationship with?
  2. I want it to still be special. And the guys I’m meeting lately just aren’t — at least not to me. Sex might be casual to some people, but I just can’t do it. For me, sex should mean something, and that means it’s all about the right guy.
  3. I don’t want to confuse sex with emotions. I want to feel something emotionally before I do something physically. I know myself enough to know that if I let myself be physically vulnerable with someone, I’d eventually find an emotional attachment. I don’t want to lust someone, I want to love them, and not just because we’re sexually compatible.
  4. I still need time to heal my heart. I wasn’t celibate before, because I was in a relationship with someone I really loved. When that ended, I was heartbroken. I might not be shattered now, but I’m definitely not whole enough for a sexual relationship. I’ve been through enough, so until I know I’m really ready, that vulnerability can wait.
  5. I’m not ready for anything serious — and sex is pretty damn serious. I’ve already admitted that when it comes to sex, I’m anything but casual — but it’s not just about a relationship or the boyfriend/girlfriend label. I want real “I love you” commitment. Otherwise, it just doesn’t mean as much to me.
  6. I feel like I’ll regret sleeping around. I’m not calling out casual hookups as promiscuous, I’m just saying they’re not really for me. I know that someday I’d settle down and really be ready to give myself to someone again, but I don’t want to look back at a long history of trying to make myself and my heartbreak better by lying in the arms of a list of men who meant nothing to me. That would be my cross to bear and it just wouldn’t be worth it.
  7. I can please myself. I don’t need a man to get my orgasm — I can do that perfectly fine with my vibrator. So if I don’t have an emotional connection and I don’t need a man for physical pleasure/stress relief, then what would I really be getting out of casual sex?
  8. I want more than just sex. Even though I don’t want something serious (well at least not until my heart heals), I also don’t want anything casual. I have friends, family and a life to pass the time. I don’t need a random guy to help with that.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.