I used to be the girl who thought she’d be married by 25, but my dating life sucked so badly that I just eventually… gave up on finding love. It hurts me to say it, but it’s true. I’ve thrown in the towel, and my life is even weirder now because of it.
I feel bad for giving up on romance. Such a big part of me still wants to believe that there’s some guy out there for me, but at this point, I just don’t want to lie to myself anymore. I still check “Missed Connections” to see if there’s someone out there looking at me, wishing they had the strength to tell me they like me. I’m trying to quit looking. It’s a habit that’s hard to break.
I constantly remind myself not to pay attention to guys when they hit on me. I tell myself that they wouldn’t stay, that they’re just looking for a quick lay, or that they’ll just use me or abuse me. While I myself know I deserve more, I don’t expect guys to give me what I deserve, so I’ve stopped paying attention to their advances.
Depression is real. If this all sounds depressing, it’s because it is. If you’re a hopeless romantic like myself, being married was a major life goal of yours — and you’re accepting that it’s never going to happen to you. What’s the point if your dreams don’t ever come true?
I’ve lost a lot more than just faith in love. I’ve lost faith in destiny. I also lost my patience, my faith in men, my faith in society, and my faith in God. Actually, if I ever meet the big guy upstairs, I’d like to receive a good explanation for this crap.
It’s hard to explain to people why it hurts so much. I constantly deal with people asking why it’s so important that I have a partner. They tell me that I should be happy and focus on other things. It’s easy for them to say that, though — they’ve had better luck than I have, so of course they wouldn’t understand.
I feel like I’ve completely run out of options. I’ve dated everyone from accountants to wannabe bad boys and nothing worked. People, please stop telling people like me to give a “nice guy” a chance. The last “nice guy” looked at me and told me he didn’t date plus sized girls. Lowering my standards is not going to fix the problem.
I truly believe Mr. Right is never coming. I’m done trying to explain to people why it’s not going to happen. I gave up on giving the stink eye to people who tell me “he’ll come along.” I walked away last time someone told me I’d get married. I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I don’t believe it. Even if a guy came by and tried to make things better, I don’t think I’d believe him.
Part of me has started seeing men as the enemy, and I’ve started to treat them as such. Guys get bitter over the fact that girls don’t like them. It shouldn’t surprise guys that girls get the same way. The last guy who put the moves on me was met with a sneer and a snarky comment about how he’s probably not worth the time in the sack.
I’ve sort of become an Ice Queen. I’ve gotten significantly meaner, unempathetic, and colder since I gave up. I know for a fact that I’ve become more vindictive. I’ve become someone who would have no problem using guys for my own benefit, knowing that they’d do the same to me in a heartbeat. I know I should feel guilty or bad about some of the things I did or said, but I can’t. I just don’t have it in me anymore to care about how nice or mean I am. I gave up on love — all aspects of it.
I’m pretty sure I’m alone in this. Does anyone else feel this way? Is it even possible to find love these days?
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