I’ve Never Had Casual Sex And I Don’t Understand People Who Get Naked With Strangers

Since when did casual sex become a normal rite of passage for every woman? When I was younger, casual sex literally terrified me and now I just don’t see the point. Sometimes I wonder if I’m missing out on something great, but honestly, I just can’t understand people who get naked with strangers.

  1. As far as I’m concerned, the words ‘casual’ and ‘sex’ don’t belong anywhere near each other. What’s casual about getting naked and intimate with another person? Sex is a big deal for me even when it’s within a happy relationship—I can’t imagine anything less casual than trying to reach that height of passion with a total stranger. Far from having the time of my life, I’d probably have a nervous breakdown if I tried to have a one-night stand.
  2. It takes me weeks, even months to psyche myself up to get naked in front of someone. I’m not the most body confident and it takes me a while to feel comfortable enough with someone to think that taking my clothes off is a good idea. For me, sex should come after getting to know someone—I’d hate the idea that a guy I’d just met could be dissecting our night together with his mates the next day. I need to know I can trust someone before I sleep with them.
  3. Sex is one of the most intimate things you can do. Sex is fun, of course it is, but it’s also intimate and serious and not something that I’m about to do with any random person. The pleasure of sex is in the connection you build with someone that you care about—much harder to do when you didn’t quite catch their name on the dance floor. I wouldn’t feel right sharing that experience with someone I hadn’t properly connected with first.
  4. I’m far too sensitive to be able to leave feelings at the door. Casual sex works both ways, and if you offer a guy no strings attached sex, he isn’t going to ask twice. I’m far too sensitive to cope with the fact that he might only be interested in one thing—I need him to be emotionally invested.
  5. The situation literally never arises. Not indulging in casual sex isn’t just something I’m not bothered about—the chance has literally never passed my way. Is there some kind of secret code that people who are interested share with each other so guys know who to approach? Or maybe I just look too terrified when someone dances within two feet of me. Either way, I can’t imagine how I’d go from upright in a club to horizontal under a man, and so far I never have.
  6. If I want some excitement, I’ll make out with someone in a club. If I’m missing the thrill of being with someone new, I can always make out with guys when I’m out with my girlfriends. Since we’re all still in the same place and I’m still in public, the risks seem so much lower than heading off home with someone I’ve just met. Kissing a guy feels like harmless fun, but sex is on a whole other level.
  7. I’ve got a vibrator and it’s far less awkward in the morning. I love sex in a relationship, but I don’t get withdrawal symptoms when I’m single—isn’t that why vibrators were invented? Being in the comfort of my own bed and waking up without a sweaty, unknown entity snoring beside me beats the excitement of a real person any day.
  8. I need an emotional connection. Sex without an emotional connection is pretty meaningless as far as I’m concerned. Alright, we don’t have to be gazing deep into each other’s eyes the whole time, but I need to know that the guy I’m with is interested in more than just my body. Sex as part of a great relationship is the best—no strings attached sex is pretty dull.
  9. A one-night stand doesn’t care about pleasing me. Is it me or is the first time you have sex with someone just not that great? The best nights I’ve had by far are with people I’ve been in long-term relationships with, who know what I like and who actually care about me having a good time. Pretty much none of that applies to a one night stand, which means I’m usually having an OK time at best.
  10. Sex is best when it’s with someone you really care about. When you care about someone and are emotionally invested in them, sex is the culmination of that feeling. When you don’t have that emotional intimacy backing you up, sex becomes something you just do for pleasure, and the other person just happens to be there with you. I’m only really enjoying sex if I feel connected to the other person—what’s the point otherwise?
  11. I’ve never had casual sex, and I don’t plan on doing it anytime soon. Casual sex doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest. Why would I want to invite a guy into my bed if I’m getting none of the romance or appreciation that comes from being in a relationship? If it’s pure pleasure you want, I suggest getting a vibrator. Meanwhile, I’m saving myself for someone who’s worth it.
Isobel is a freelance blogger and writer for hire specialising in content for millennials who haven't quite got it together yet (i.e. herself). When not glued to her laptop, she enjoys eating cheese, doing yoga and spending time with family and friends.