I’ve Never Had A Fight With My Boyfriend Of 3 Years & I’m Starting To Think Something’s Up

I’ve literally never had a fight with my long-term boyfriend. I’m not saying that to boast or to show off about my perfect relationship— if anything, I’m starting to get a little concerned. We’ve never so much as raised our voices to each other in three years, and I’m starting to think something’s up.

  1. Okay, so we annoy each other from time to time. I’m no saint—in fact, I have plenty of bad habits that get on my BF’s nerves. Snoring? Check. Craving for affection? Eating more than my fair share of chips? Check, check, check. Exactly the same is true for my BF as well, but we’ve always managed to tolerate each other’s quirks so far.
  2. We’ve never had a total blowout. Those make-or-break fights that couples have where you both retreat to spend time with your friends for a few days and one of you has to make the supremely hard decision to break the frosty silence? Nope, never had one. We’ve never parted on bad terms (I don’t think I’d have the emotional stability to cope if we did) or ended up in a shouting match with each other.
  3. We’re both pretty laid-back people. I justify this in my mind by knowing that neither me nor my BF are particularly fiery personalities. It’s not just my BF that I don’t fight with—I think the last fight I had with my friends was in high school. Maybe we’re just not the sort of people to solve our problems through arguing.
  4. My gut instinct is to avoid conflict at all costs. Unfortunately, I can’t take any credit for managing to avoid fights. It has nothing to do with me being able to bite my tongue or admit when I’m wrong. In fact, I’m a bit of a coward. I can’t stand conflict, whether I’m involved in it or just on the sidelines, and will go to pretty impressive lengths to avoid it. Since a fight with bae would be the worst type of fight to get in, it’s no wonder I’ve managed to strategically avoid them.
  5. What if we’re both just bottling up our emotions? I’m not going to lie, there have been times when I’ve been angling for a fight. I’ve been desperate to get my rage out about something my BF has done, but when we’re face to face I just can’t seem to manage it. How many times has this happened to him as well? I’m starting to worry we’re both just bottling up all our anger and saving it for a rainy day when we’ll both just explode.
  6. It’s healthier to have things out in the open. As someone who hardly ever gets into fights, I’d never judge those that do. If anything, I admire their willingness to tackle their problems head-on. At least when you fight, you’ve shared how you feel and everything is out in the open. Holding onto your feelings might avoid a row one day, but it doesn’t make you feel any better the next. No long-term relationship can continue otherwise, right?
  7. We’ve never had to properly work through a disagreement. It’s not just that I’ve never fought with my boyfriend, we’ve never even disagreed. There’s something about acknowledging that your actions have hurt another person, apologizing for the way you’ve made them feel, and coming to terms with how to move forward that can be really healing for couples. I have no idea how my boyfriend and I would cope if we had a fight because neither of us has ever had to confront those difficult feelings in the last three years.
  8. Maybe this means I’m just standing in the way of his happiness. Let’s face it—the reason I’m content in my relationship most of the time is that my BF rarely does stuff that I’m not OK with. Does this mean that I’m just always getting my way while he helplessly succumbs to my will? I hate the thought of myself as a diva, but why would I change a system that’s so obviously working well for me?
  9. I take it as a good sign that we’ve never seriously pissed each other off. It’s not like I want to be having fights 24/7, in fact, I feel ridiculously lucky that I don’t have to worry about having arguments all the time. Not having fights is a sign that we’ve managed to avoid seriously pissing each other off for quite some time now, which has got to be a good sign.
  10. If we fell out now, it could break our relationship. For the time being, I love being in a relationship where I’m happy almost all of the time. If I have my ups and downs, they’re normally nothing to do with my BF at all, so we manage to avoid having fights. Still, I can’t help but worry how or if we will cope when one day things do start to break down. If we’ve never had a fight before, I have no idea how each of us will deal with it, or if we’ll be able to get through it. I adore my happy relationship—let’s just hope it stays that way!
Isobel is a freelance blogger and writer for hire specialising in content for millennials who haven't quite got it together yet (i.e. herself). When not glued to her laptop, she enjoys eating cheese, doing yoga and spending time with family and friends.