I’ve Never Really Dated & I’m Awkward AF Because Of It

I’ve Never Really Dated & I’m Awkward AF Because Of It ©iStock/Hramovnick

Like many other women these days, I don’t really “date” in the traditional sense of the word. I’ve always met guys through friends, in social situations, at school or at work, but it’s just so hard to meet a guy and go through the old school steps anymore — it’s all Netflix and chill, no dinner dates. It seems like no one wants to make the effort anymore and it sucks. When a guy actually does want take me out, I’m a mess. Here are a few of the embarrassing ways in which I’m awkward af:

  1. I don’t know when a guy’s hitting on me. I honestly cannot tell the difference anymore between a guy  simply being nice and actually making a move. I’m so unused to nice guys who show interest without any intentions that I assume they might like me. This gets me into some awkward misunderstandings. It’s so mortifying that I swing the other way and start believing that no one hits on me, ever. A guy would have to make it pretty obvious for me to risk responding.
  2. I get anxious and weird. When I’m actually asked out on a date, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should go, even though I don’t know if I’m into it. I should give him a chance, right? I lose the ability to trust my gut and know if it’s not the right move. No one ever asks me out, so I should probably go when I get the opportunity. Not the best way to think, but that’s what happens.
  3. I have terrible word vomit. I don’t know what to say, so I just let loose with whatever. It’s not good. The first thing that comes into my head flies out of my mouth. I honestly don’t know how I get anyone to go out with me at all after all that. I guess I’m lucky I’m not terrible-looking, but still… yikes. It’s not a cute impulse, and I have to figure out how to stop it.
  4. I’m mean and sarcastic because I’m scared. I’m like that little boy on the playground who pushes the girl he likes and runs away. It’s absolutely ridiculous. My knee-jerk reaction to flirtation is to be a snarky bitch in return. Of course I immediately regret it, but then I do it again. And again. I try so hard to be normal and I just cannot do it. I feel like an idiot. I hide my vulnerability with sarcasm and teasing…especially if I actually like the guy, which makes it even worse!
  5. I’m too impatient to wait for him to ask me out. Sometimes I do have a pretty good idea that someone likes me, but I want him to just admit it already. When I feel like it’s never going to happen and I’ll explode if I don’t make out with someone immediately, I make the first move. I hate doing it, because there’s nothing I like less than a passive man. I just can’t take it anymore. I figure he doesn’t believe I’m interested anyway because of all my weird sarcasm and snark. I made my bed, and then I have to go and unmake it.
  6. I don’t know how to relax and be normal. Once I’m actually on the date, it gets even harder. I don’t want to drink too much because I know I’ll be even weirder and say things I’ll regret. I’m trying so hard to be myself that I can’t be. I have a difficult time making eye contact and having normal conversation. I’ve gotten this far, but I still think that I’m going to torpedo the situation. When it doesn’t happen, I’m even more confused. When it does, it’s like I planned it that way.
  7. I overthink everything. I can’t just relax and let it be a simple night out. I can’t just have fun and be silly and not worry about it. It’s only a date, but I make it mean so much more in my head. I start tallying up reasons he’s not the right guy for me almost immediately. I guess I’m so afraid of getting in too deep when I know better that I don’t want to give anyone a chance in the first place. Usually the red flags in the beginning are what always cause problems for me later.
  8. I always manage to say the wrong thing. I try to relax and be myself, but sometimes that translates into my worst self. I can say some dumb stuff sometimes, especially when I’m trying too hard. The guy usually gives me a pass, which is lucky for me. It’s not like I spend the entire evening saying ridiculous stuff, but I’ve been known to make quite a few faux pas. It’s something I gotta work on.
  9. I don’t trust that a guy will actually like me for me. I say the wrong things and get nervous because I’m insecure. I need to build up my confidence first and foremost, so that I believe I’m worth the kind of guy I want to date. I’m always afraid that once he sees me for who I am, he’ll take off. What’s life with that kind of fear hanging over your head? It’s easier not to date at all.
  10. I’m terrified of dating, period. Yeah, I want love. Everyone does. Sometimes it simply comes at too high of a price. I find it so much easier and simpler to be alone. I’m actually happy by myself, so until someone really wonderful comes along…I just don’t know how much dating I’ll be doing. It’ll take a truly amazing person to inspire me to make the effort and change the perfectly happy life I’ve established for myself. If he isn’t going to make it that much better, there’s honestly no point.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.