I’ve Spent Too Much Time Trying To Be The Girl I Thought Guys Wanted And I’m Over It

The second I was interested in a guy, I used to think, “I hope he likes me!” which would usually make me want to be everything I thought he wanted in order to get him. Ugh. Now, I’m over all that crap and I’m so much happier. Here are 13 reasons I insist on just being me:

  1. It takes the pressure off. It’s exhausting AF to try to be what someone else wants all the time. Why the hell should I do it anyway? It’s like I used to be so afraid of not being liked. Ugh. Now, I’d rather be hated for who I am than liked for who I’m not.
  2. I don’t date the time-wasters. Screw trying to be what guys want. These days, I want a guy who wants me—the real me—or else he can GTFO of my life before wasting my time. If he can’t accept and love me for who I am then he’s not right for me.
  3. I’m not defined by guys’ opinions of me. I used to care more about guys’ opinions of who I was instead of opinions I had of myself. That’s messed up. Now, I care more about what I think about myself. I want to be the type of person I feel good about. I don’t care if guys don’t like me—at least I’m comfortable with who I am!
  4. I can make healthy relationships work. When I was so worried about what guys wanted in a GF, I always ended up dumped and heartbroken. Maybe the guys could tell I wasn’t being my true self or I was just turning relationships into giant stressful situations by trying to be perfect. Whatever the case, the relationships never worked out ’cause they just weren’t real. Now that I’m more me, I can make healthy relationships work much better.
  5. I avoid assuming things. Who’s to say what a guy really wants? Often, the accommodating, available woman I thought I had to be to impress them put them off! It just goes to show: it’s less drama to cut out all the BS. And, as the saying sort of goes, when you assume things, you make an ass out of yourself.
  6. I don’t want the drama and lies. I can try to impress the guy and be the perfect girlfriend (whatever the hell that is), but if I’m not being myself then how can I expect the relationship to be based on honesty? It doesn’t make any sense.
  7. I accept and sometimes even love my flaws. It’s really important for me to show the guy who I really am, flaws included. When we’re both open about our great and not-so-great qualities, it shows us if we’re really compatible. Instead of hiding my flaws out of fear that they’ll put the guy off me, now I know that they’ll only put off the wrong guys.
  8. I don’t need to impress anyone. I’m not trying to sell or market myself. I’m not a product. I’m a human being and honestly, I know my good qualities enough to know that I don’t need to put on a show to impress anyone. People either like me or not—and if not, that’s their problem.
  9. I can stop being so damn nice. One of the things I always tried to do in the past was be super nice to guys I dated. When I wanted to express what was on my mind, often I didn’t because I feared I’d be called “crazy” or “bitchy.” Screw that. Now I want to be open about my feelings so I do myself justice. If a guy doesn’t like it, he can leave.
  10. I know I deserve happiness. It’s impossible to be happy when I’m not being myself or trying too hard to get the guy. It causes me to have to be on guard all the time, which is ridiculous. I want to be in a relationship where I feel secure, comfortable, and happy. I don’t want to feel like I’m walking a tightrope and any wrong move will send the guy running. Instead of worrying so much about making the guy happy, I’ve realized I deserve a huge part of the happy pie and I can get it by being the real me.
  11. I no longer lose myself in relationshipsWhen I made the guy I was dating my priority, I totally neglected myself and what I wanted. Hell, I became someone else entirely to keep him so it was only a matter of time before I forgot who I really was. I’d end up alone after the breakup, not sure what I wanted from life. Now I don’t allow that to happen. I stay true to things I love and who I am even when a great guy comes along. It’s healthy and keeps me sane.
  12. I can walk away without regrets. After breakups, I’d always feel like if I’d just been who I really was, maybe things could’ve been different. Now that I’m over impressing people, I can be myself and if relationships don’t work out, at least I can walk away without any regrets at all because I gave them a real, honest shot by being myself.
  13. I replace “what does he want?” with “what do I want?” When I walk into a first date, I no longer obsess about what the guy’s looking for in a woman so I can try to be that. Screw that. I now think, “What do I want in a guy?” I focus on whether he’s a match for me instead of the other way around. It’s the only way to avoid toxic relationships.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.