I Judge My Friends’ Dating Choices Because I Want The Best For Them

Female friendships aren’t always a walk in the park, and things get even more tricky when guys are involved. I’m like any other girl — I want the best for my friends and I want them to find love and success and happiness, but I can’t help but judge their dating choices — here’s why:

  1. I can’t just sit back and watch. I would be the worst friend in the universe if I watched my friends date the worst guys and said absolutely nothing at all. That just doesn’t seem like the right way to go. Sure, it might seem harsh to believe that they don’t always make the best decisions about who to love, but it’s tough love. It’s for a good cause.
  2. I want them to be strong. I have no problem telling a guy to take a hike when he’s hurt me or when he’s being super immature. Unfortunately, not everyone can do that, and I want my BFFs to be as strong as I am when it comes to love. When they spend months pining over someone who wasn’t worth a second glance or are indecisive about their current relationship, it’s hard not to tell them that they should be much stronger.
  3. I want their advice. At the end of the day, giving advice to someone means caring deeply about them, and that’s why I have no issues giving my best friends totally unasked for advice. They pretty much never take it, but I give it anyway because when I’m going through something tough, I want their advice. Friendship is totally a two-way street in that sense.
  4. I’m thinking about my own past. When I see a friend in the middle of an almost relationship, she might have no clue what’s going on but I totally do. I’ve been through that before and I’m always thinking about my own romantic past. Judging them is the only way to make sure they don’t make the same awful and painful mistakes.
  5. I’m only human. Sometimes I think it’s way too mean to think that a friend is being super weak because she’s staying in a relationship that is clearly bad for her, but I’m only human and can’t help that these thoughts sometimes fly through my head.
  6. I know they do the same thing. When I’m going on a bunch of dates in a week or wondering if someone’s going to text me back, my friends are totally judging me too. It’s normal and it’s part of the whole friendship deal, so there’s no point worrying about something that we all do.
  7. I see myself in them. I get fed up with dating and worry about never meeting anyone that’s actually a good person and wonder if I’m doing something wrong. I’m no different from my friends and we’re all in this weird dating boat together. When I judge their choices, I’m judging myself too.
  8. I don’t want them to miss out. When my friends say they’re all on a months-long dating break, it’s hard to bite my tongue. I don’t want them to miss out on the chance to meet an amazing person, and sometimes it seems like they’re just finding tons of excuses not to even try. Sure, some of the reasons make sense — who doesn’t feel overwhelmed with work and life sometimes? — but I hope they’re not too scared to keep going.
  9. I don’t always understand what they’re thinking/feeling. Let’s just be real here: people are confusing. Sometimes I have no idea why they’re making the choices that they do and in the process of trying to figure it out, I end up judging them.
  10. I’m making the friendship stronger. There’s no point in even having friends if there are no tough talks or serious discussions about what’s going on in everyone’s lives. It can’t be all superficial stuff like vacations and the weather and celebs. If I judge my friends’ dating choices, I’m strengthening our bonds and connections, and that’s only going to help. Boys don’t last forever. But friendship totally does, and I think that every piece of judgment is totally worth it in the end.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.