If You Judge Me For My Past, You Don’t Deserve To Be In My Future

On more than one occasion I’ve been dumped by a guy for my past — WTF? I seriously don’t get it. We’ve all said or done things in we’re not proud of, but that’s part of growing up and learning to become better people. The lessons I’ve learned from all my mistakes make me who I am, and if you judge me for my past now, you don’t have any place in my future.

  1. You’re judging someone that doesn’t exist anymore. A perfect way to explain why I won’t allow you to continue to be a part of my life by judging me on my past comes from when I look at my Facebook memories. Even I’m like, “Who’s that girl writing all these ridiculous statuses?” so for you to think that I’m even remotely the same as I was all those years ago is just plain wrong.
  2. My growth game is strong. If you choose to judge me on something that I did ten years ago, you’re judging a person I don’t even know anymore. I’ve grown so much as a person it’s insane and to look down on me for something that I would never do today but have done in the past is just ridiculous. Your close-mindedness and inability to appreciate that people change just doesn’t fly with me.
  3. I don’t judge you on your past. I refuse to accept that a person stays exactly the same as they are after making poor choices. People learn from their mistakes, but when you see it fit to judge me on mine as if I’m the same person I was before I made them just makes me think that after all you’ve done, you’ve learned nothing — and someone who can’t learn from their mistakes has no place in my life.
  4. My past made me who I am. I may not be proud of everything I’ve done but I sure as hell wouldn’t be the woman I am today without having done all those things. The person you say you like — or did like before finding out my past mistakes — is only here because of what I’ve done. If you can judge the journey over the person I became, you’re just immature.
  5. I won’t let you make me feel bad about things I’ve done. After making the bad choices and dealing with the backlash, I’ve felt bad enough about them myself. I’ve learned to accept them as learning experiences and move on so I’m sure as hell not going to feel guilty all over again because you can’t handle them. Boy, bye!
  6. I highly doubt you’re perfect. Unless your some sort of demigod or something, the fact that you can judge me when you’re just as imperfect tells me more about your personality than mine. I’m in the business of withholding judgment on people because I have no clue what they’ve been through or the reasons behind what they’ve done. If you don’t operate by the same principle, you can GTFO.
  7. It makes me wonder what other crappy qualities you have. Beyond being judgmental, which we both know you already are, what else is wrong with you? People tend to internalize things they don’t like and understand, so when you judge me based on my past, it makes me wonder what kind of messed up feelings you have about other things. In other words, it’s a serious red flag.
  8. I don’t need someone to like me in spite of my past. When someone falls for me and I for them, they’re going to love me because of what I’ve done even if they don’t particularly agree with or understand it. I don’t need someone to love me *in spite of* anything I’ve done or any mistakes I’ve made. That’s just not love at all.
  9. If you’re judging me, I can’t wait to hear about how you judge everyone else. You clearly have a judgmental streak going on and it’s not just what I’ve done in my past that irks you. If you can judge a person you claim to like, I can’t imagine the type of feelings you hold for people you don’t even like. I’m just not down with that type of negativity.
  10. You clearly have a problem with letting go. If for some weird reason you can’t get over my past — a past that you weren’t even a part of, I have to remind you — then I can’t imagine what would happen if I made a mistake while in a relationship with you. I’m not talking a relationship-breaking mistake, but even a small one. Saying something you don’t agree with or wearing something you hate could eventually lead to arguments because of how judgmental a person you are and I don’t want any part of it.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at AngelicaBottaro.ca. She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.