Jumbo Pierre The Willy Pillow Wants To Be Your New Boyfriend

Colder weather is finally here and it’s only going to get worse when winter hits. That’s why it’s so great to be coupled up at this time of year—you get the warmth and comfort of cuddling up with someone special. But just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t get your needs met—Jumbo Pierre the Penis Body Pillow is here to help.

  1. Yep, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Jumbo Pierre is a, well, jumbo body pillow that is in fact a penis, balls and all. He has a friendly little smiley face and he’s super cuddly. Jumbo Pierre is apparently a whole new man as previous iterations were somewhat smaller and people wanted more. “Don’t worry, he’s still got his cute little face, just on a much much bigger appendage. He must have been flaccid before because now he’s four feet of pure magnificent shaft,” the product description reads. Uh oh.
  2. Pierre is a whopping four feet long. That’s as long as a small child! It’s probably a good thing that there are no real man parts that big, but that doesn’t mean cuddling up to a giant member with a cute little face sewn on isn’t an appealing option…
  3. It’s certainly unique. It may not be the most guest-friendly piece of home decor—you might want to hide it if your parents are stopping by, for instance—but it’s definitely practical. Wrap your arms around Pierre while you read a book or even take some hilarious selfies with your new boyfriend. It’ll definitely make everyone laugh.
  4. He’s already sold out online, but don’t worry… You can still pre-order a Jumbo Pierre for when he comes back in stock on December 6, which means he’ll still arrive for Christmas if you’re getting this as a gift for someone you love (and who loves penises) or even for yourself. You can grab yours at Firebox HERE.
Piper is a NYC-based writer who loves dogs, iced coffee, and calling people out on their BS.