These days, it seems like more and more women are deciding not to get married or are talking about why we don’t need to be. While I entirely support a woman’s decision not to say “I do,” I still want to walk down the aisle with my forever guy one day. What’s wrong with that?
- My parents have a sucky marriage and it doesn’t have to be that way.  I grew up with parents that rarely showed affection to each other and constantly argued. But I also grew up with friends whose parents were the picture of a loving marriage. As a result, I believe that good marriages do exist and I want to experience one for myself. I think marriage it gets a bad rap because often times, people get married for all of the wrong reasons or aren’t compatible. I know I’m not in it for money or convenience like my parents. I’m in it for love.
- It’s a form of ultimate commitment. In today’s society, it’s hard enough to get someone to commit to drinks after work let alone marriage. Lots of millennials just don’t seem that interested in making such a leap. But for me, the fact that it is such a huge commitment makes it so important. It can be very meaningful. It has consequences. It’s one of the ultimate forms of commitment for our generation. Frankly, I think it’s a serious and wonderful way to show our love and commitment to each other.
- Doing life with someone who has no legal commitment to me makes me nervous. Sure, I don’t need to be in a legal marriage to have children, live with or share finances with someone. But I don’t want to be in a situation where I have no legal recourse if things go sour or if something happens to one of us. Our state and federal laws recognize that contractual marriages are special relationships worthy of legal protection and special status regarding tax, health insurance, healthcare, and inheritance among other things. I think that’s because fundamentally the things two people share in a marriage union are deeply personal, requiring marriage to be taken seriously, but until our laws and customs change, I’m sticking with tradition.
- I don’t need a marriage to raise a family, but I want to try to be in one anyway. Even if kids in households with parents in a low-conflict marriage didn’t do better on average than other kids, I think that I would want to initially have kids within a marriage. I like the idea that my children would have the chance at growing up in a home with both of their parents under the same roof. I also think that unlike my parents, I’d recognize when my efforts to keep the family together are working against my children’s best interests. Plus, like many people in our generation, I’m good at getting out of something when I realize that it’s no longer working for me.
- My feminist values don’t fall away just because I want marriage. I believe that we should try to achieve equality between the sexes just as much as the next modern woman. I also believe that women can be the breadwinners in a marriage. I think it’s totally possible to take a traditional institution and spruce it up to make it modern.
- Marriage isn’t where independence goes to die.  Just because I want marriage doesn’t mean that I can’t achieve independence. Losing your independence in a marriage isn’t fundamental to marriage as an institution. Maintaining your independence in any relationship is key for it to be successful. Mine isn’t immediately lost because I choose to be with someone for the rest of my life in a committed, legal marriage.
- I believe in the fairytale—why is that so wrong? So what if I believe in fairytales? Maybe I’m jaded because of my parents’ horrible marriage and I just want to believe that a beautiful marriage with all of the ribbons and bows can exist. I know marriage isn’t easy but I’d like to believe that a happy, loving marriage is totally possible.
- I think that being someone’s wife would be cool. Seriously, I do! I think it would be so nice to just come home to one person for the rest of my life—one person who loves me, sacrifices for me, and works hard for me and our relationship…forever. Sounds wonderful, actually.
- Just because I want marriage doesn’t mean I’m not aware of the risks. I know that sometimes people change. I know that people fall out of love sometimes. I know that sometimes you think someone is your happily ever after and then they completely turn into someone else. I’m aware that my happy marriage might turn into a horrible one and that I’d need to consider divorce, but I think it’s worth the risk. For me, all of the benefits of marriage seem to outweigh the risks.
