As soon as I put it out there that I like my men with a side of financial independence, I started getting a lot of defensive comments implying that I’m trying to use a guy for his money or that I want a “sugar daddy.” Thanks, but no thanks — I’m not the type of girl who cares about the salary of a potential love interest and I’m perfectly happy living off my own money. But I still have plenty of reasons why I absolutely refuse to date a guy who has no interest in earning a living:
- I need you to be independent. If you’re a grown man who still relies on his parents for money, I have no doubt that you’ll start relying on me for cash once we start dating. I have no problem spotting you or supporting you when times get tough, but I need to know you’re not going to be a mooch for an indefinite period of time.
- It shows you have ambition. I’m not asking you to never stop climbing the corporate ladder. Hell, you could be a garbage man as long as it pays your own bills. I just need to see that you have something that motivates you to get up every day and contributes towards your future. If your main career goal is to be the best garbage man around, I’ll take that over a guy who sits on the couch and plays video games 24/7 any day.
- I crave an equal partnership. I’m a hard-working woman, and if I’m going to be with someone, he needs to be a hard worker, too. I would never fault you for making less than me, and if you end up working fewer hours than I do, it’s no biggie. But I refuse to be with someone who makes me feel like I contribute more or less to the relationship than he does. Having a job might not be the biggest component in forming an equal relationship, but it does have a big impact on how two romantic partners view each other.
- I’m nobody’s mother. I’ll take care of you when you’re sick, do my share of the household chores and even pay for you when we go do fun stuff sometimes, but I expect the same treatment from you. I refuse to be your full-time caretaker when both of us are healthy, able-bodied adults, and if I’m the only one in this relationship with a job, I know it’s going to end up happening.
- Honestly, my pride won’t allow it. Call me shallow if you want, but I have to be able to be proud of the person I’m dating. When my parents ask about you and what you do, I don’t want to have to pretend like I have no problem with the fact that you’re unemployed and not even looking for work. You don’t have to be a doctor or a lawyer; I’ll happily puff my chest out with excitement as I tell my friends that you work at a retail store in the mall. I just want both my loved ones and my own self to be content knowing that I’m with someone who has a strong work ethic.
- It makes you more attractive. Maybe I’m crazy, but I think there’s something undeniably sexy about a guy in the workforce. Part of it might be the mere idea of a man who’s independent and can hold his own, but it also has to do with the way he carries himself. A guy who knows he can handle himself and occasionally take his partner on a nice date has an air of confidence about him, and it shows in everything from his posture to the way he speaks to how he interacts with other people. All of those traits are can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you hot to me.
- It shows potential for the future. Babies and houses and life all cost money, and if you want to share any with me down the road, you’re going to need to be able to pay your part. Having a job now shows me that there’s at least potential for a future together, that I can rely on you to be financially responsible. Even if it’s way too soon to be thinking about any of that, I’m not going to waste my time seriously dating someone with whom I can’t even see a potential long-term relationship.
- I never want to stress about having to support you as well as myself. If I lose my job or have a sudden major and unplanned expense, I’m going to be stressed enough figuring out how to make sure my own life doesn’t fall apart. The last thing I need is to be worried about how I’m also going to support the guy I’m dating. I can manage myself just fine, financially and otherwise, but if life doesn’t go according to plan, I need to know that you’re not going to be an added stress factor.
- Yeah, I would like you to be able to treat me sometimes. Roses and fancy restaurants are nice, but I understand that not all economic situations allow for such luxurious dates. If the only thing your salary has room for is the occasional Chipotle date, I’m fine with that; I just like to be a little spoiled sometimes, just as you probably do.
- I need to know you’re not dating me because you need a meal ticket. Women are usually the ones who get stuck with the “gold digger” label, but there are plenty of guys who only date women for their money. Sorry, buddy — you won’t get away with that with me. Not only does my bank account only have enough juice to support little ol’ me, but I can also smell that BS from a mile away; I’ll know right off the bat if you really like me or if you’re just being a mooch. Still, knowing that the guy I’m seeing definitely likes me for ME and not my ability to buy him stuff he wants is a huge plus.
