We all want to be desired, but not if that desire takes the place of being valued. Just because a guy wants you doesn’t mean that he actually respects and cares for you or that he will take care of and honor you. Too many of us these days confuse a man who desires us sexually as a man who wants to be with us when that’s often not the case.
- A man that only desires you acts on his impulses. Desire is something you feel in a flash. Think about hunger pains. When you’re super hungry and haven’t eaten all morning, your desire to eat is an instinct that you feel and when you see food, you’ll eat it regardless of its nutritional value. Value, on the other hand, is calculated. If you seriously consider the value then you might not just eat the next Twizzler you see when you’re hungry. Instead, you’ll grab something healthier. My point is that desire isn’t always grounded in some higher reasoning. It’s a gut feeling, it’s what you want right then and there. It’s about immediate gratification.
- A man that only desires you may do so temporarily. Desire may also be temporary—it can come and go. Sometimes it’s stronger than other times. On the other hand, value is consistent. It’s a part of what makes that thing or person so special. A guy that values you will you see as more than just a temporary fix for his sexual needs. If he values you, he’ll still enjoy being with you without sex being at the center of your interactions.
- A man that only desires you may only want the idea of you. Sometimes, desire for someone is based on the idea of them and who they might be rather than who they really are. A man that values you will seek out who you truly are deep down.
- A man who values you considers your whole person. A man that values you will know that you bring so much more to the table than just something physical. He will appreciate the physical connection that you have but will also spend time getting to know you on an emotional and even spiritual level. Know the difference to avoid getting burned.
- A man who values you will treat you like you’re priceless. If he really values you, he’ll treat your heart, body, and mind with care. He’ll treat you like breaking you would lead to the end of any more yous, and as a result, he’ll behave as if you’re priceless. The next best thing to be valuable is being absolutely invaluable because you’re so freaking awesome and rare and perfect. You are that. Just remember.
- A man who values you will know your worth. Value appreciates over time and creates worth in someone or something. Think about a vintage antique. This is because antiques are rare and unique and overtime as less of them exist, they become more valuable. I’m not trying to compare you to an object, of course. My point is that if a man values you, he’ll understand that your worth extends for more than just a late-night hookup or a one-time date and dash and he’ll spend the time to get to understand that value rather than just act on his desire alone.
- A man who values you will invest in your future together. If he only desires or wants you, chances are that he’s only interested in spending time with you when it’s convenient for him or when he’s interested in sex. If he values you, he won’t just limit your relationship to the physical and he won’t treat you like you’re temporary. He’ll show commitment and investment into your relationship through more actions than just a “what you doing?” text.
- An ideal partner will do both. Personally, I think that a good partner will desire you and value you at the same time. In fact, I think it’s a great indicator that you’re in a balanced relationship or headed toward one. If you have both you can be sure that you’re not just friends with an emotional tie and that you’re not just hooking up.
- Knowing the difference could save you from heartbreak. Ultimately, if you know the difference between being valued and being desired, you might keep yourself from getting hurt. If a guy is showing signs that he just desires you and doesn’t really value you, you’ll be able to set expectations for your relationship. The truth is that not every relationship is going to lead to love or commitment. Casual relationships are just as normal as committed ones these days. But, if you’re looking for love I think one of the first steps is to figure out if the guy you’re with values you. If so, you’re headed in the right direction.
