Just Because I’m Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Mean It’s My Job To Make You Happy

I care about you and I’ll do whatever I can to be the best possible girlfriend. However, you have to be willing to put in work too, not just in our relationship but in your life outside of me. Obviously I want you to be happy, but it’s not my responsibility to make sure that happen.

  1. Happiness comes from within. Not only is it not my job, it’s also not possible for me to make you happy. If you’re unhappy with your life, there’s nothing I can do to change that. It’s a change you need to make. You need to figure out what’s making you so damn unhappy and fix it because I can’t (and I don’t want to).
  2. A relationship is never going to solve your problems. Once you’ve narrowed down the problem, it’s also your job to find a solution — and it isn’t me. Our relationship won’t magically solve your issues. A relationship is like a Band-Aid, and your dissatisfaction with your life is a deep wound. It might mask them for a while, but in the end, your unhappiness will still be there.
  3. I care about your happiness, but you have to care about it too. I can’t do all the work for you. I can’t wave my wand and make everything okay. I can’t be the only one in this relationship who cares about you — you have to care about yourself too. I’m not your mommy, I’m your girlfriend, and the only way this relationship can work is if you learn to love yourself too.
  4. I have my own crap to worry about. I know life is hard because I have one too. That’s right — I’ve got my own crap going on, but guess what? I’m taking care of it on my own. I don’t expect you to swoop in and take all my worries away, so why are you asking that much of me? I want a guy who can handle his crap so that I still have time for my life too.
  5. The joy I bring can’t make up for the pain you feel. If you’re depressed or even just unhappy, nothing I do will change that. That’s a change that has to come from you. No matter how much I love you, it won’t make up for the fact that you don’t love yourself enough to work on your problems. You might be happy with our relationship, but you’re unhappy with yourself, and that will always matter most.
  6. My happiness matters too. I need to protect my own sanity. It might sound selfish, but while of course we look out for each other, we both need to look out for ourselves too. That’s the root of your unhappiness. You’re looking for it in all the wrong places when you should be looking for it inside of you. I want to be happy too, and I can never be happy enough for the both of us.
  7. You putting me under a lot of pressure. Our relationship shouldn’t be the thing keeping you together. You need to have more in your life than just me. I can’t be the only thing that brings you happiness. What you really need is self-acceptance and independence. You need to face your demons instead of asking me to face them for you. This is your battle, and I can’t fight it for you.
  8. I’m your girlfriend, not your therapist. Unfortunately, I’m not a certified therapist. Even if I was, not dating your therapist is like Therapy 101. You shouldn’t mix business and pleasure, and you can’t ask me to carry the burden of figuring out what it’s going to take for you to be happy. You can always talk to me, but you can’t depend your life on me, and if you do, you’ll never be truly happy.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.