Just Because You’re Only Dating Casually Doesn’t Mean He Can Do These 11 Things

It’s so convenient for guys to claim that what you have going on is just casual when they’ve been up to no good, but here are some things your lack of official relationship status shouldn’t excuse.

  1. He very clearly doesn’t respect you. It doesn’t matter if you’re friends with benefits or just having a fling—you don’t need the girlfriend label in order to get respect from the person you’re hanging out with. Come on! “Casually dating” should never be a free pass for a guy to treat you like dirt.
  2. He’s not open about dating other women. Casually dating doesn’t have to be a problem as long as both parties are on the same page. If he’s doing it with you but also loads of other women from his Facebook profile and he hasn’t had the decency to tell you about it, however, that’s not cool.
  3. He’s using it as an excuse not to show you how he feels. Yeah, pretty damn convenient for him to claim that there’s nothing serious going on between you or that you’re “just having fun” when he doesn’t want to move things forward by showing you what he really feels about you. The guy’s a jerk and not interested. Next!
  4. He’s using it to waste some time with you. If it feels like your casual dating setup isn’t going anywhere, that’s because it’s not. He might try to keep things as casual as possible because he’s having fun with you, sure, but mostly because he doesn’t have any other plans on right now and he’s cool with chilling for a few more weeks before you go your separate ways. What a loser! You’re honestly better off alone.
  5. He’s turning the tables on you. When he tells you that you’re crazy for wanting to define the relationship because you agreed to be casual, he’s trying to make it seem like you’re the one with the problem. Meanwhile, “casually dating” doesn’t excuse lousy behavior. If he can’t be real about things, why is he in your life? If you can’t ask him where things are going, he’s an a-hole. It’s just a question, not a marriage proposal!
  6. He’s using it to keep things vague. Not every casual relationship ends up becoming a serious one and that’s fine. What’s not fine is if he’s saying he wants to keep things casual because he doesn’t want you to know what you should and shouldn’t expect from him. He’s giving you mixed messages and keeping you on your toes on purpose.
  7. He uses it to cover up his commitment issues. It’s a red flag if a guy who says he wants to keep things casual is just using that as a nicer way to let you down gently instead of being honest about how he doesn’t want commitment and never will make things official with you.
  8. He’s never going to make you his girlfriend. Enough with guys saying that they don’t want the pressure of being asked questions by the person they’re dating. As if it’s a mission for them to figure out if they want to date someone or not. Puh-lease. They should know what they want (or don’t) so they don’t waste your time. Just because you guys are dating casually right now doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know what he wants or where he wants things to go. Of course he does, he just doesn’t want to tell you.
  9. He has no balls. Sometimes, people will try to use the term “casually dating” to make their partners slowly get the hint that they’re not interested in having a real, committed relationship. He’s basically hoping you’ll realize he’s not that interested and leave his life. It’s a lousy thing to do, and something only cowards will resort to. But it happens, and there’s no excusing a guy who hides behind that label because he can’t man up and tell a woman that he doesn’t see a future with her.
  10. He’s keeping you locked down. Sometimes shady guys will try to keep you around by giving you just enough interest and attention so that you don’t go looking for someone else. They’ll tell you how much they’re into you but then throw in that your relationship is still very chill/not serious. They want to have their cake and eat it, which is hugely unfair. Hopefully you’ve already moved on and are looking for someone else to replace the loser.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.