Just Because You Like Him Doesn’t Mean You Have To Tolerate His BS

Although it shouldn’t have to be said, you deserve the best. You’re unique, one of-a-kind and, I imagine, fantastic in whatever it is that you do. In being so awesome, you deserve to be with someone awesome who gives you not just 100 percent, but 150 percent all of the time. You deserve to be with someone who never puts you in the number two spot (unless it’s his mom, because it’s his MOM).

As a woman who won’t settle for second best, there are things that you should never tolerate from a man, no matter what the circumstance or excuse he tries to throw your way. In tolerating less than you deserve, you’re giving him permission to treat you in a way that’s far beneath the level you deserve. Don’t put up with any of the following BS:

  1. Abuse, physical or otherwise. Abuse, on any level, should never be tolerated. Whether he hurts you with his words or his fist, it’s unacceptable.
  2. Body shaming. Your body, no matter its shape or size, is amazing, any man who tries to convince you anything other than that is wrong. You are not too skinny, or too fat  you’re perfect the way you are.
  3. Crapping on your dreams. Often times when someone craps all over your dreams for the future it’s because they’re either scared that you’ll succeed and leave them behind or because they don’t have any ambition of their own. That’s their problem; not yours.
  4. Dismissing you. Relationships are about dialogue and coming to a resolution. Because that’s the case you should never tolerate a man who dismisses anything that might be bothering you or affecting your relationship. You want someone who wants to talk it out and evolve with you, not wave you off.
  5. Talking down to you. Similarly to crapping on your dreams, someone who talks down to you is dealing with their own insecurities. If someone can’t work out their own problems without trying to take you down into being miserable with them, then walk the hell away.
  6. Dictating how you should dress or act. One word: Autonomy. End of story.
  7. Obsessive neediness. Everyone can be needy sometimes, especially is they’re having a rough go of it, but neediness that is constant and never ending is too much for anyone to bear. It’s not healthy and should never be tolerated.
  8. Belittling your family and/or friends. Really? These are the people who have helped define you and make you the woman you are. In belittling them, he’s essentially belittling you, too.
  9. Not listening to your concerns. You’re allowed to have concerns, fears, hang-ups, delusions, and moments of total heartache; this is part of being human. You’re also allowed to share all of that with someone who’s going to listen, give advice, and not condemn you for it.
  10. Ignoring you. It’s one thing to give the occasional cold shoulder, but all the time because they can’t deal with something? No way.
  11. Disrespecting you. Every living creature deserves respect. This one isn’t even up for debate.
  12. Incessant lying. White lies to cover up the fact that they’re throwing you a surprise birthday? Totally fine. Lies to cover their tracks for some inappropriate behavior? Not fine at all, ever.
  13. Perpetual imbalance. In a relationship, there are highs and lows. Sometimes one partner is up, while the other partner is down. However, if one partner is constantly down all the time  unemployed, not participating in household chores, holding up their end of the bargain and the other partner is the only one keeping things a float, then something has to give. You want a partner, not someone to babysit or mother.
  14. Cheating on you. Although cheating is often the symptom of something else besides sex that is faulty in the relationship, a good man will try to fix the problem, as opposed to resorting to cheating on you.
  15. Laziness. Whether he’s lazy in his professional life, in bed, around the house, or even in the way he interacts with his friends, you should never stand for laziness. It’s one of the ugliest qualities in the world.
  16. Inability to satisfy you sexually. If you and your partner have tried to remedy whatever sexual malfunctions you have in your sex life by talking about, but nothing has gotten better because it’s a clear case of him not listening, cut him loose. Relationships may not be based on sex, but great sex makes for great relationships.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.